Indy @ Chicago - Well, let's start off with the juggernaut that is the Colts - you already know this, you roll with your studs, so Peyton, Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark are all lock-soli---oh wait, I'm looking at my data from '06, hang on.
Indy Starts: Reggie Wayne at the WR2 spot - He's solid and the best thing going in Indy. Screw 'Em: Everybody else - Andy Luck shouldn't be in your consideration yet at all, a couple surprising weeks can change that, but not yet. Same for Fleener, and whoever ends up running there - either Donnie Brown or Vick Ballard or Delone 'rapidly dropping off the face of the planet' Carter. Avoids.
Chicago Starts: Forte's a lock, and so's Brandon Marshall until further notice. Bears' D ought to have a decent day...Screw 'Em: If Cutty's your #1, then you're probably going to have a weekly debate on your hands, but I've noted on numerous occasions that while the Bears made all sorts of heralded moves to improve things around Soldier Field, they didn't do jack to address the piss-poor protection that gets JC in the interception groove...Dwight Freeney is pretty good at exploiting that sort of oversight.
Sleepy-Sleeper: In a flex, I don't hate the idea of Michael Bush. I suspect he's going to do a lot of late-game mop-up work, and here's the ideal game to start installing that.
Chicago Wins by 10, possibly 30
Philly @ Cleveland - So Cleveland is no longer having a moment of silence to honor Art Modell before the game (good call - love you Cleveland, but you know that was going to break the wrong way) - besides, they'll still have one at the end of the game after all the murdering on the field.
Philly Starts: GO ALL IN! - Vick, Maclin, Shady, DeSean, Celek - eff it, Riley Cooper if you've got some weird 36 person roster. This should be a tremendous opening for the birds. And don't forget the Defense! Screw 'Em: I said 'ALL IN'.
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| Wait, did The Browns draft Archie Manning? I'm confused. |
Sleepy-Sleeper: Josh Gordon - the Browns are going to muster some offense, and I think it comes not from Little or Massaquoi (he's still a starter?), but in the 'wild card' of Gordon, who should be a locked-in starter by mid-season. I wouldn't go any higher than a WR3, but if you've got, say Kenny Britt sitting on your bench this week, roll the dice.
Philly Wins By 3rd Round Knockout
Rams @ Detroit - It's still fashionable to consider the Rams 'anemic', or 'hapless', or 'heart-crushing', and by all means, why not? I'll tell you why not: The Mustache Has Returned to The Stadium. Do not underestimate that dude, ever.
Rams Starts: Steven Jackson - week one, and he's still healthy, which is tremendous. Until his hammy melts down or whatever, he's an every-weeker. Screw Em: Bradford. You have to have a better option at this point. Don't lie to me. Pretty much all the receivers can sit for now also - things really haven't shaken out there enough yet to see who's going to take the other starting job for keeps - thus avoiding Gibson and Other Steve Smith (and Brian Quick - but don't you drop him yet) is better for your health.
Detroit Starts: Stafford, Ceej - you know that. But temper expectations a bit - the Janoris Jenkins/Cortland Finnegan secondary isn't too shabby. Screw Em: Kevin Smith - assuming he's still not on IR by gametime. Brandon Pettigrew - I still don't understand the fascination with Pettigrew yearly in Fantasy - he's not Stafford's go-to, ever. Why would that change?
Sleepy-sleeper: I said 'pretty much'; but maybe Amendola in a WR3 brings you a nice surprise...that's a lukewarm 'maybe', caveat emptor. If your league let's you start Jeff Fischer's mustache, then go with that.
Upset Pick of the Week: Rams Win By A Skinch - I think the St. Louis DBs are going to do a much better job at constraining Calvin than anticipated (note: they will not shut him down completely), leaving Nate 'He Still Plays?' Burleson, Titus 'Trendy' Young and the aforementioned Unimpressivegrew to do a lot of the dirty work. Everyone is overlooking the Rams and expecting a blowout - and those are the situations that I love Jeff Fischer teams in.
Miami @ Houston
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| See what you did, Jeff Ireland? |
Houston Starts: This is almost another 'ALL IN'. Foster, Schaub, Tate, and Andre should all post solid fantasy contributions. Screw 'Em: Owen Daniels doesn't look like he's ever going to be 'Owen Daniels' again, really.
Sleepy-sleeper: Kevin Walter - always the forgotten one, this week I like his chances of getting 80 yards and a score on the 'Fins.
Texans Win Via A Good-Old-Fashioned Beatdown
Falcons @ Chiefs - The Falcons have all kinds of better weapons on paper. I don't think that's going to mean anything in the end though.
Falcons starts: If you've got The Big Five - Ryan, Julio, Roddy, Gonzo and Turner, you're playing them week one, don't be stupid, except....Screw 'Em I really don't have a great feeling about Michael Turner - but again, it's week one, you have to play him.
Chiefs Starts: Charles and Bowe are locks, you're never sitting them. Screw 'Em: Peyton Hillis. He has one good year in his whole career, and last year came off like a giant d-bag. I just don't see him shaking that, especially not with a healthy Charles being the real running weapon.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Wanted to go with Jon Baldwin here, but I don't think this is his week to break out - Atlanta's secondary isn't one of the shabby ones....no, instead I say: Tony Moeaki. Showed tons of promise last year before the injury, and is off the radar - do you start him over the Pats' TEs, Gates or Graham? Are you drinking racing fuel? But ahead of guys like Jared Cook, Brandow Pettigrew, or Dustin Keller, I'd absolutely risk it.
Chiefs Win By A Score Somewhere Between 2 and 8
Jacksonville @ Minnesota - The great news for fans of these franchises is that somebody's starting off the season 1-0.
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| You were way better on One Tree Hill, Blaine. |
Vikings Starts: Adrian Peterson. Dude's playing. Dude's playing hard. And a lot. And Harvin, he's a weekly shoe-in at this point. Screw 'Em: Toby Gerhart - see above.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Laurent Robinson - in a WR3 position or desperation flex only - he's had a ho-hum preseason, but as much hell as I give Blaine, guy's getting better and Laurent is the best veteran set of hands available downfield.
Vikings Still Win By 10
Redskins @ Saints - This may be indicative that my medications need adjusting, but I think this is going to be a close game for at least three and a half quarters....no, I mean that. I even re-read it after I typed it.
'Skins Starts: I LOVE Pierre Garcon as a WR2 this year - preseason has shown they're looking for him long and often. Fred Davis, about as solid of a crazy-person-as-Tight-End as you'll find in this league. Screw 'Em: The Seventy-Headed Rushing Attack, and also probably the Defense
Saints Starts: Brees and Graham are the gimmies....and it should be a good week for Darren Sproles to Swiss-Army Knife himself some decent fantasy stats. Screw 'Em: Mark Ingram - I need to see something consistent first - and Marques Colston, assuming DeAngelo Hall gets that duty. I know he's their #1 WR, but he feels more like 'Option 3' after Sproles and Graham....he'll get mid-field yards, but will disappoint fellas looking for touchdowns and lots of yardage.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Robert Griffin III - while it's generally assumed that starting most rookie QBs in week one for any reason is asylum-level bananas, I disagree in this case. The Saints have a shabby defensive output thus far, and RG3's explosivene and orignal style of play is going to get his owners a lot of points this week. A LOT OF THEM.
That Said, Saints By Ten, and RG3 Gets His First Dose of NFL Finishing Moves
Bills @ JETS! - God, I forgot how long these previews take to write - and now I'm doing fantasy crud in here too? Lord. Well, here's my first 'I don't really care' game of the season, because I just don't....except for fantasy reasons, where I care bunches!
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| This was literally the highlight of the Jets preseason. Seriously. Hey Tim, Jesus wore a shirt. |
Jets Starts: I'm being honest. From a fantasy perspective, I don't want none. Screw 'Em: Shonn Greene has been a letdown, Sanchez/Tebow is ruining them both more than seemed possible in both cases, and Santonio Holmes might be the front runner for this year's 'Meh, No Thanks' former all-pro turned uninteresting option of the year.
Sleepy Sleeper: CJ Spiller is a terrific fit for your Flex spot this week. Ter. Rif. Ic.
Bills Win By Double-Digits and Buffalo Dreams Again!
Patriots @ Titans - Hmm...I don't even know what to think about this one.
Pats Starts: Tommy, The Two TEs, Welker, Stevan Ridley (points leagues only) - won't be many yards, probably will be a TD or two. Screw 'Em: Brandon Lloyd - with the exception of Randy Moss for a little bit there, name-brand receivers have a habit of disappearing in Belichek's offense - and Brandon Lloyd doesn't even have that terrific of a resume, if you really look at it. Ten Seasons: One of them is great. Most of the rest are barely worth a bench spot.
Titans Starts: Moneybags Johnson and Jared Cook. Screw 'Em: Nate Washington - I just don't see it. I see his stats from last year, but just don't see the 'how'.
Sleepy-Sleeper - Kendall Wright, as basically an unknown commodity thrust into a starting spot for a week, wouldn't be the worst WR3 option on the board. May get you nothing, may pay off in chestfuls of doubloons.
Pats By A Minimum of 17
Seahawks @ Cardinals - This next sentence is especially for my loyal reader and friend, Sara R: THIS IS GOING TO BE A BLOODBATH. And by that, I wouldn't be surprised to see 'Fire Ken Whisenhunt' websites cropping up as soon as the end of the first quarter.
Seahawks Starts: Lynch, if he plays, Turbin if Skittlebeast sits. Russell Freaking Wilson, who earned it. Sidney Rice, and welcome back. That Defense. Screw 'Em: Zach Miller - once 'the next great Tight End', for like 8 straight years. Only here because Kellen Winslow fell apart or whatever.
Cardinals Starts: Fitz. That's about it. Screw 'Em: It wouldn't be a week in the NFL if Beanie Wells wasn't possibly injured! And while you shouldn't have Jon Skelton on your roster in the first place, if you somehow do, don't be an idiot.
Sleepy-Sleeper: With Wells showing up as maybe hurt, let's begin the Ryan Williams era already. Would I start him? Probably not, it's a crap match-up....but if somebody on the Cards can do something surprising in this game, here's the guy.
Seattle Wins By A Billion
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| Most dudes couldn't pull this off, right? |
Niners Starts: Vernon, Manningham, Gore....Crabtree. Screw 'Em: Randy Moss (Does anybody really think he's on the top of the depth chart? Really?) and Alex Smith (in perpetuity)
Packers Starts: Their Starting Offense Screw'Em: Except Cedric Benson - whom I love for the season here, but debuting against the Niners is gonna be rough-going for my new favorite Cedric. Probably don't quite trust the Pack D in fantasy quite yet either.
Sleepy-Sleeper: James Jones - erratically used, up-and-down with the catches, but GB has held onto him for their reasons - and while there will be plans to cull Jennings, Jordy and Jermichael, that usually leaves a little space for Double J to get 60 and a score. WR3 only.
The Packers Win By Just A Smooch Like Last Year Against The Saints
Panthers @ Buccaneers - Again, I really don't care much about this game....but the fantasy players in it? Hellz yes!
Panthers Starts: Cam, DeAngelo (EMPHATICALLY, with Stewart banged up again), Steve Smith...and in a 3WR league, Brandon LaFell Screw 'Em: Stewart.
Bucs Starts: Doug Martin, Dallas Clark...Josh Freeman in a push. No, I take that back. Forget I said that. Screw 'Em: Vincent Jackson - until proven otherwise, I'm of the firm belief that VJ needed Phil Rivers way more than Rivers needs VJ....I'm picking Vincent Jackson as this year's winner of The Santonio Holmes Award For Cash-Grabbing Your Way To Mediocrity.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Greg Olsen. Might end up with Top Ten numbers by year's end. I'd play him over Owen Daniels, Marcedes Lewis....pretty much any of the guys that aren't in the top 6.
Panthers Win By a Half-Dozen or So
Steelers @ Broncos - This is also in the Game-of-the-Week running.....
Steeler Starts: Antonio Brown and Mike Wallace. And Ben, if he's your #1 option - there's going to be an air show in Denver this week. Screw 'Em: The RB mess out there all of a sudden....and I might sit the D this week, I just might.
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| This is the most forehead ever photographed in one sitting. |
Sleepy-Sleeper : Brandon Motherf***ing Stokely. You heard it here first. Put that dude in your flex and enjoy 57 yards and a score.
The Broncos Are Taking This Win For Elway, Brother!
Bengals @ Ravens - a good old interdivisional scrum between the young upstarts of Cincinnati and the bad-ass mofos of Baltimore
Bengal Starts: AJ Green and.....AJ Green. Screw 'Em: Welcome to reality Andy Dalton, this year won't be quite as charming...and I wouldn't start Law Firm in this match-up unless I was picking your roster.
Ravens Starts: Rice, Boldin and Flacco. And the Defense, but you were doing that anyway. Screw 'Em: Torrey Smith - tons of talent, still doesn't feel polished or consistent, and the Bengals D can work with that...thus the advantage goes to the cagey vet Boldin, if I'm choosing a starter there.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Jermaine Gresham - still underutilized and a little banged up, but if Cincinnati wants to hang in this one, Jermaine's going to have to use that athletic prowess and be a difference maker. I'd love him this week in a flex over most WR options, and quite a few RBs (see: Benjarvus Green-Ellis).
That Said, The Ravens Are Going To Pound The Bengals By a Baker's Dozen
Chargers @ Raiders - Who ya got? This one's gonna be ugly and terrific.
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| When I hear 'Raiders Football', I think 'Family' |
Raider Starts: DMac, Heyward-Bey, Denarius....and I doubt I'll say this again this season, but, Carson Palmer. Screw 'Em: I don't recognize the name of any of the Raider TEs. So I'm guessing those are extra blockers.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Rod Streater - Jacoby Ford is out, Streater has been a marvel in the preseason, and is going to be the difference maker for Carson Palmer in week one....I'd take a pitch at WR3 on him and hope it lands.
That's all for now, kids, thanks for the fish! GO FOOTBALL!
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