Welcome back, wasn't last week fun! YAY! FOOTBALL IS GREAT SUPER HAPPY NICE SHOW!Alright, no time for horseplay, let's get right into the stew:
AIR CUTLER GAVE IT UP TO GREEN BAY. Again.
Hope you started...um, actually, Mason Crosby. And Michael Bush. You didn't have Driver or Tom Crabtree or Kellen Davis. And you still shouldn't. So that's about it....keep a good eye on Cedric going forward, he looked comfy and may very well be a solid RB2 as the season developed. Screw 'Em Cause They Screwed You: If you had Cutty or Marshall or Forte starting, good luck with the rest of your week. And the same goes for Jordy 'STOP REVERSING FIELD WHEN YOU CATCH THE BALL EVERY GODDAMN TIME' Nelson and 'DROPPO' Finley. And effing James Jones....you are a frustrating man, JJ, but I still believe.
TO THE GAMES YET TO BE PLAYED!
Chiefs @ Bills - Hmm. Already a stumper. In deducing the correct solution, we first must analyze the evidence collected a half-fortnight past, so let's proceed, Watson! First we know that: The Bills were horrifying. And sustained injuries to a) the starting RB, and b) the other starting WR (I think, I'm not sure who that is out there), and c) Stevie Johnson is still nursing a sore groin (gross). We also learnt the Chieftains of the City of Kansas a) Can't stop the pass (when it's effective), b) Can't really stop the run, probably?, and c) Can't stop the music. OTHER EMBARASSING CHIEF TO THE RIGHT- JENNER, -GUTTENBERG - HUT HUT HIKE!
Chiefs Starts: Jamaal Charles looked pretty recovered, and while Dwayne Bowe didn't seem to be on the field last week, he's still worth the run in a WR2 against a defense that let Jeremy Kurley become a commodity last week. Screw Em': Peyton Hillis looked average to worse, and don't expect that to change. And all the other Chiefs for the time being...
Bills Starts: Last week I told you Spiller was a terrific flex play...this week, he's a terrific starting RB. If you've got Stevie in there, you play him as well, and Scott Chandler is a pretty tight play at TE. Screw 'Em: The Bearded Bomb Launcher. Somebody check his locker collection of Phish bootlegs and find the hidden stash.....will not respond well to combo of 'less starting receivers' with the Chiefs 'returning starters in secondary'.
Sleepy-Sleeper: I don't think there's anybody in this game not listed above that I'd slip into a flex for surprise points - maybe Donald Jones? Jon Baldwin? Eh, you've got better options.
Chiefs Win, Will Trigger First 'Coach On The Hot Seat' Report of the Regular Season
New Orleans @ Carolina - Two games so far, and four 'must wins' on both sides? Good year so far....We already know the Saints have some issues stopping the pass, and the run, from a juggernaut offense like the - Redskins? - huh. On the flip side, the Panthers got solidly beat down by the Buccaneers, who didn't even particularly play that good of a game. Worries, Carolina, worries.
New Orleans Starts: If you got the big names, you play 'em, dummy. Screw 'Em: Mark Ingram, and, god forbid you drafted him with intentions of playing him, Pierre Thomas. Yuck.
Carolina Starts: Well, the panic switch ain't been thrown on Cam yet, so he's your go...and I love Steve Smith AND Brandon LaFell this week. LOVE. Like Valentine's Day! Screw 'Em: Last week's leading Carolina rusher was somebody named 'Pilates' or something, who got 5 yards on 1 rush. Cam took 2nd with 4 yards. Eff. You. DeAngelo. And I no trust the Stewart just as much. Never has so much money been been so freely burned on nothing outside of acTennessee Titans negotiation. Is it the Tobacco Lobby or the Moonshiners Conglomerate? WHO HAS ALL THIS FREE MONEY?!?
Sleepy-Sleeper: Lance Moore in a flex, just in case he actually establishes himself as the #2 (finally).
New Orleans Will Not Drop Two In a Row To Start The Season. It Won't Happen. Sorry, Cam.
Cleveland Starts: Try Richardson again. He's gotta start working sometime, right? Did somebody check his batteries? Plug him in overnight? Do we have the right USB cable? Screw 'Em: All the other Browns. In the words of MAD Magazine: Blecch.
Cincinnati Starts: ALL IN! On Benjarvis Green-Ellis, that is! Great week one again the Ravens, just think of the possibilities for this week, when he's not facing a defense! Also, AJ Green and let's give a tip of the hat to Andrew Hawkins, who slipped under the radar last week to be the Bengals leading receiver. And this week, he's against the Browns, so roll that dude in a flex....Screw 'Em: Dalton, still. You just have a better guy that you drafted ahead of him, you know?
Sleepy-Sleeper: Love Jermaine Gresham - last week he was barely a blip, but he has good outings against the Browns in recent history.
Might Not Be a Complete Drubbing, But The Bengals Will Win This With Ten Points of Authority.
Minnesota @ Indianapolis - I like what the schedule makers laid out this year so far. It's gonna give a lot of iffy teams a lot of hope running into the second month before their hopes are crushed beneath the grinding Doc Martin heel of 'good' professional footballs. Except Indy's already gonna probably be done by then anyway.
Vikings Starts: I told you to start AD. I was right. Run him, run Harvin....but that's it for now. That's all they need for now. OH, except that kicker - Blair Walsh (wasn't she on The Facts of Life? Or is that the missing kid from America's Most Wanted: Season One?). That dude is stone-cold. Screw 'Em: One week doth not a decent player make of Aromashoe, so don't even think it. That defense ain't very good either.
Colts Starts: This is pretty much gonna just say 'Reggie Wayne in the WR2 or 3' for the foreseeable future, okay? Screw 'Em: Everybody else....except!
Sleepy-Sleeper: Donald Brown didn't start out real hot against the Bears, but as the game wore on, his efficiency increased - and he looks to be the primary back. MJD had some success against the Vikes, and the Colts will need a run game established for air success of any kind....if you lost Fred Jackson or Forte, I'd feel terrific slotting D. Brown in that spot this week, or a flex if you got it.
Minnesota Will Continue to 2-0 and Lead the NFC North
Houston @ Jacksonville - Jax hung in there last week, looking better than imagined. Against the Vikes. These. Not. Vikes.
Houston Starts: Schaub, AJ, Arian and...Owen Daniels returns to import! Screw 'Em: Tate looks like an old deflated ball last week, so I wouldn't trust him for much yet, maybe at all this year unless Arian really gets banged up. And Walters is out of your lineup until Andre is out of Houston's.
JAX Starts: MJD, and I don't dislike Marcedes Lewis. Screw 'Em: Gabbert may win me over in the long run, but not this week, not yet. Same for Justin Blackmon....he's still way too early in the cooking process.
Sleepy-Sleeper: But as Gabbert maintains composure, his receivers will benefit - slow first week for Laurent Robinson, but I like him a lot in a WR3 - maybe even a 2 if you've got a couple banged up guys out there. Don't expect world-beater, but 74 and a score ain't out of the question.
Houston is Nonetheless Going To Win By No Less Than Fourteen. But Less Than A Hundred.
Oakland @ Sad Miami - Miami fans, I'd like to give you something positive to look forward to, but Jeff Ireland hasn't allowed for that, and I'll never lie to you. Here's the deal: Oakland has two of their three best receivers banged up, and still have the better passing game. Tough love. This won't be easy, but we'll get through it.
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| This came up when I searched for 'McFadden'. He should ride this into the stadium during pre-game. And also on third down. TACO BELL FTW! |
Miami Starts: Reggie Bush. That's it. Screw 'Em: Tannenbaum looked AWFUL last week. Yes, week one rookie. But now it's only week two rookie, and his misery affects everybody else on this team for the immediate future.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Rod Streater - in a desperation flex, or maybe a WR3 - tons of talent, but a young'un. Did score the only receiving TD for the Raiders last week, and with Moore still likely out - at best being used only as distraction, I'm actually running Streater out there in one of my leagues in the 3 hole.
I Was Very Close to Picking Miami In the Upset, But Then I Read the Warnings About Side Effects When Mixing Day-Quil and Mucinex. So Raider Nation Goes To 1 and 1.
Arizona @ New England - Good god.
Cardinal Starts: No. Okay, 'Fitz', then 'no'. Screw 'Em: I hope the Arizona faithful can hold onto last week's victory feeling as they cry themselves to sleep.
Patriot Starts: Yes. All of them. Screw 'Em: Except Brandon Lloyd. And I'm not backing down on this.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Ryan Williams, but this is literally only because I have to start him in my Dynasty League as my long term options James Starks and Javid Best haven't worked out on account of awful. Note: You should not play Ryan Williams this week under any circumstances.
Tampa Bay @ New York Gents - One team came out tough and determined and surprisingly composed; the other came out flat and unorganized and got punked by a guy named 'Ogletree', which I had previous thought was a female hygiene product manufacturer, or possibly the fat kid from The Bad News Bears. Doesn't matter.
Buccaneer Starts: Doug Martin. Screw 'Em: Outside of Doug E. Fresh, the Buccaneers didn't win last week so much as the Panthers lost - tough D, give them that, but I trust nobody else on the offense in fantasy play.
Giants Starts: The assumed: Eli, Hakeem, Victor. That was one week, they won't repeat that piss-poor play again this outing. While the Bucs D looked terrific last week, the Giants are a more experienced team, and should be able to adjust. Screw 'Em: But I don't like Ahmad Bradshaw normally, let alone against a squad that left Carolina with negative yards for their primary back.
Sleepy-Sleeper: There ain't one here. Maybe Hixon, but I wouldn't likely play him if I had him, so there's that.
Giants Win By a Couple O' Scores
Baltimore @ Philadelphia - Aha! Finally a game where I can make some brazen calls that prove I am either genius or a-hole! Probably both! Or at least the second one! This whole game is gonna be shook up real good inside the ugly bag and spilled out all over our living rooms. Ravens convincingly beat Cincinnati in a game that Cincy didn't lay down in, whilst the Eagles stole a game they should have lost to the Browns. I mean, they shouldn't have, in any conceivable plane of reality but this one. But in this one, yeah, the Browns should have that win.
Ravens Starts: Rice (no kidding?), Boldin, The Defense, and Flacco - but temper your expectations, he's not 'All World, Every Week' quite yet. Screw 'Em: Torrey Smith, until he does something two weeks in a row. Don't trust him.
Eagles Starts: McCoy. Because you have to, and he's that good. Screw 'Em: (Here we go!) All the rest of them. Celek is Celek, Maclin and DeSean are already all banged up, and Mike Vick, in fantasy play, just cannot be trusted. One good drive against the Browns - does that mean he's doomed against Baltimore? Nope. He may be lights-out. Or he may suck. He's a Human Dice Roll, and I'm done believing that's ever going to change.
Sleepy-Sleeper: I'd play Dennis Pitta over every other TE in the league save for Graham and the New England Duo.
Baltimore Wins In a Backstreet Brawl
Dallas @ Seattle - A week ago, I'd have called this in favor of the Seahawks with much aplomb. There's the magic of a real week of football - no way, no how.
Dallas Starts: DeMarco, Dez, Miles and Tony Screw 'Em: Witten and Ogletree (I need more than one week, kids, but bully for you for winning your waiver wire). Witten looked like he didn't really need to rush back so quickly.
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| Burger King first shed light on 'Braylon Edwards Syndrome'' |
Sleepy-Sleeper: I know he dropped a game winner - but he's got tiny hands! I like Braylon Edwards in a flex or WR3 for the next few weeks....he's working his ass off, and that's going to benefit his owners (few, I know) and Wilson.
Raising ReclinerQB's Super Bowl Dreams To A Height From Which Their Eventual Shattering Will Be Quite Majestic To Witness: The Dallas Football Cowboys.
Washington @ St. Louis - Practically lost in the chaos that ensued after the lowly Redskins handed the Saints their ass on a titanium platter was this: The Rams could (and should) have beaten the Lions just as well. Hear me out: The Lions are not as talented as the Saints, but the Rams are not nearly as bad as everyone assumes they are. Keep in mind, they were very much on the rise until last year was stunted by injuries galore....and Jeff Fisher is a hell of a motivator. Good matchup offensively for both squads.
Washington Starts: Ride 'em while they're hot! RG3, Pierre (if he plays), Fred Davis and Alfred Morris should all be condition 'approved' for a start this week. Screw 'Em: I still hear a lot of 'don't underestimate Santana Moss'. I still ignore these voices.
St. Louis Starts: While I definitely think the Rams are going to hang out in this one, outside of Steven Jackson, there aren't any name-brand fantasy starts here quite yet....wait and see. Screw 'Em: While there aren't a lot of lock-and-load Rams quite yet, at the same time you also don't have them on your roster anyway. Unless you've been drinking paint - have you been drinking paint?
Sleepy-Sleeper: Just for the hell of it, if you've got Brandon Gibson sitting around, why not throw him into your WR3 or flex? Come on....DO IT!
As Much As I Like St. Louis, Washington Will Continue A Fun Run For Another Week
New York Jets @ Pittsburgh - I'll admit that the Jets surprised the hell out of me. And then I'll say this: That's not going to happen again. The Bills were horribly prepared for that game. The Steelers won't have that same challenge.
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| Attn NY:I will start rooting for you if you change your name to something cool like Jarts. And also get these legalized again. |
New York Starts: I'll begrudgingly say 'Shonn Greene if he's your drafted #2, and Santonio if a couple of your starting WRs are hurt or dead or something'. But I hate both those guys. Hate. Screw 'Em: Mark my words: That's the best game Sanchez has all season. It's still a circus.
Sleepy-Sleeper: I kinda went all-in on the Steelers there, but you aren't going to listen to me about Mendenhall, so I repeat: play Mendenhall if you've got him and he somehow ends up playing.
Pittsburgh Puts a Whipping on the Jarts
Tennessee @ San Diego - Chargers looked real good last Monday, and that's without a real running game - which, unfortunately, they still won't have available this week. Probably. Meanwhile in Titan Towers, they nearly lost their Qb and WR1 on the same play, gonna be a healthy year!
Titan Starts: Tennessee is going to have to throw to be in this game (for several reasons), so while I don't like Locker, because he's going to make his mistakes for awhile, I'm all in for the return of Kenny Britt. Since Nate Washington is going to be playing, also don't mind him as a WR2 or 3....the Titans will be throwing a lot. If you've got Jared Cook, I'd play him too. Screw 'Em: Did you draft Chris Johnson? Congrats! You got the biggest screwjob of the year. That guy looks wrong - just as wrong as he did all of last year. Will he figure things out? Maybe for four games a year, but if you can sucker somebody into giving you anything of value for this load, do it now and do it fast. Fantasy owners worldwide should be allowed to sue him for monies in a giant class action suit.
Chargers Starts: Last week they spread it out a lot - which devalues almost all the receivers to #2 or flex options at best - that said, I wouldn't hate Meachem or Floyd in that slot, and Rivers is back to #1 QB status just on confidence alone. Screw 'Em: If you need 'Running Back Stats' from a 'Running Back Here', move along. Oh, and Antonio Gates popping up as 'questionable' in week 2 already is a great precursor to him finishing his career on the Browns. GET HEALTHY, G.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Ronnie Brown in a flex - he's not getting you running numbers, but he is going to get you some decent receiving yards, and I'd add in a touchdown, this week. Then drop his can.
Chargers Will Definitively Build More Early Season Confidence That This Is 'Their Year'.
Detroit @ San Francisco - San Fran looked really good giving the shiv to the Packers. The Lions looked really adequate sneaking past the Rams. Expect the 'Fire Schwartz' rumblings to begin Week Five.
Detroit Starts: Stafford, CJ, and that's a wrap! Screw 'Em: This week should go a long way into preparing Lions' fans for Kevin Smith's fade into the either when either LeShoure or Best or Williams or Whoever come in and start carrying. Poor guy, he works hard.
49ers Gold: Davis, Gore, Crabtree, the Defense and...Alex Smith. Can't argue against a guy who works within his system efficiently. I wouldn't start him over any of the big names...but over Freeman, Vick, hell, Cutler (but it's too late for that), I'd start giving him a nod. Screw 'Em: I feel like that stunt play was just for the Packers and Randy Moss is going to fade away into a situational guy at best. Would not play. Manningham still looks lost, so I'd hold back on him for a little as well.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Kendall Hunter got a lot of looks last week - no reason that shouldn't continue, as it looks like they're trying to create a smooth transition away from Gore over the year. Not the worst flex, as SF should have run success against Detroit.
San Fran Coasts to an Early 'NFC Favorites' Article on ESPN
Denver @ Atlanta - Don't know which surprised me more: Atlanta looked really capable of finishing, or Peyton Manning looked really capable of OHMYGODHE'SSTILLPEYTONMANNINGCRAP!
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| Now I want waffles. |
Atlanta Starts: You don't need me to point this out to you. You know that. Screw 'Em: The Atlanta D. Also, I'd stick Gonzo on the bench - I don't like his chances for scoring two weeks in a row anymore.
Sleepy-Sleeper: Willis McGahee - I don't know a lot of leagues I'm in where Willis isn't regarded as a #3 RB - maybe #2 - this year. In case he's a waffle for you, let's state this: This week, he's going to put up #1 numbers, and that will be the difference in this game.
Denver Beats Atlanta By Fourteen In a High Scoring Affair.
Now get out there and win some fantasy games! (And join me here live tomorrow for 'RedZone Live - Week 2', for as long as I can keep churning out platinum non-sequiters....please?)
Wasn't that the living end? Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. NOW.
In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - it's takes like, a second...and if you don't have a second, then you might as well not vote this year, toothless.
And for an extra sports sugary treat, today why dontcha follow Sportsmasher and The Fantasy Football Guys too? They've got several thinking caps, and occasionally employ them for good!
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