Wednesday, September 26, 2012

NFL Week 4 Fantasy Start Em/Screw Em Game Previews

 Replacement Refs Still Win Edition!

by Matt Prendergast

Based on the first three weeks of both fantasy and real NFL footballs, one thing has become abundantly clear: God and/or the NFL hates me. I'm betting on the latter, but based on my picks from last week, I'm probably way off on that.

So this week, using a little of that fancy 'ESPN SportsScience' they showed on Monday that proved that the optimum quarterback height is 3'7", along with a lot of my own 'ReclinerQB Replacement Officials Factor' (it kinda like sabermetrics, except not boring and for nerds), we're gonna do things a little different.....last week, some guy named 'Javorski' scored a touchdown, so it's clearly time to take this off-road. Enjoy the ride!

And despite Twitter getting all suckered in today, it's Wednesday, and a deal isn't close, so strap your harnesses tight, because this jackalopes are running Week Four, come hell or high-water.

A RARE THURSDAY NIGHT WHO CARES GAME PREVIEW!

Browns@Ravens - In a normal world, I'd say 'start all your Ravens, except screw their defense, and pretty much only start Richardson from the Browns, unless you're stuck in a 'bye week, then maybe Greg Little?' But this weekend changed the entire football stratosphere, forever, so instead....

Look at that gorgeous hair!
Browns Start: Bernie Kosar. There's no #19 currently on the Browns' roster, so there's a terrific chance that Kosar will receive statistical credit for 280 yards passing and 3 touchdowns - ignore the fact that one of those will be a field goal, one will be a runback by #16 Josh Cribbs, and one will be scored by the Ravens - you're trying to win in your fantasy league, jerk, you've got to go where the credit will be given. Browns Screw (gross): Trent Richardson, who is guaranteed to finish the day with 23 rushes for -52 yards of defensive pass interference.

Ravens Start: Dennis Pitta wears #88, so by all means, you need to roll rookie WR Deonte Thompson, who may possibly be inactive, but wears number 83, and 3's look like 8's, right? He will get you about 78 yards and a score in the TE spot (and in a PPR, his 14 targets will be unconquerable). Ravens Screw: Ray Rice - as he is both a rushing and receiving threat, this kills his value, as current NFL officiating policy dictates that positive rushing yards cancel out positive receiving yards at a one-to-one ratio, so Rayplug is gonna end up with about 6 and a Quarter total yards from scrimmage.

The Cleveland Browns Take It With a Third Quarter Touchback For the Winning 9 Points

We Move to the Regular Games.....

Chargers @ Chiefs - A Barnburner!

Charger Start: Vincent Brown on the IR will really take KC by surprise with his four touchdowns on fair catches. Charger Screw: Malcom Floyd, who is certain to be hampered all day long by multiple seven-yard penalties for 'Spelling Malcolm Wrong'.

Chief Start: Peyton Hillis, because the back judge totally needs 31 out of him in the flex. Chief Screw (That's a terrific mascot name, btw): Jamaal Charles, who, as alluded to earlier, will be unwantonly contributing all his Sunday stats to the Peyton Hillis Flex Experience.

Chiefs Win: 31 to 4


Cheathawks @ Rams - We're gonna go 'very special episode' here for just a minute, so bear with me; Eff Pete Carroll, Eff Russell Wilson, and then use both of them to violently Eff Golden Taint. You will never be forgiven, you three lying crapsacks. They should have hobbled you on your way out of USC, Pete, and hobbled you good.

Deacon's own jersey was so frightened of him that
it urinated on itself before he put it on. Fact.
Cheathawks Start: All of them - Wilson, Taint, Edwards, Lynch, Obamanu, Largent, T.O., Shaun Alexander - ALL of them, ever. Because all they need to do is cry a little longer, and use those puppy eyes and and all the rules change. Every Seahawk that ever lived will get you 112 yards rushing, 105 receiving, 2 touchdowns in fantasy this week, plus 3 picks for IDP leagues. Cheathawk Screw: All of them, again. But this time with a pneumatic hammer.

Rams Start: Deacon Jones and the Rams D. Don't matter if Deacon ain't playing anymore, he's sure enough gonna make sure these chump refs finally give him credit for 347 sacks, and do you think any of those puds are gonna argue with Deacon? Rams Screw (painful): Steven Jackson, who's bound to have his knee destroyed when four of the 'Hawks Malachi Crunch his right knee helmet-first.

Cheathawks Win By -12 points!


49ers @ Jets - This game will be history-making, as it will be the first time John Harbaugh and Rob Ryan square off against each other according to the officiating cheat sheets.

Niner Start: Jim Harbaugh - chances are terrific that the one replacement ref who helped built the railroad across this great land is going to remember Captain Comeback is a QB, and that'll be good enough for 223 and three and a half touchdowns. Niner Screw: Randy Moss. That one's serious. Don't play Randy anymore. Ever.

Jets Start: Jim Harbaugh, because the other ref that needed a ride to the stadium on account of the shakes and the 'not legal to drive' condition will also remember JH is a quarterback, but he's sure not listening to that old fart back judge about which team, he smells like buttfoot. Also good here for 223 and three and a half touchdowns. Jets Screw:  Plaxico Burress, who is going to kill the Jets momentum with his patented fourth quarter 'unopen in the end zone on account of not having a job'. This will result in four minutes in the penalty box for Dustin Keller.

Niners Win On a Third Period Drop Goal!

Panthers @ Falcons - Yeesh. Even without the crud reffing, this is going to be ugly.

'You got Cam too? AWESOME, DUDE!'
Panthers Start: Cam. You know damn well at least three of every one of these Fan Crews drafted him early in the first round, probably with a top 3 pick. Panthers Screw: Well, the rest of them certainly aren't getting any breaks. Expect a lot of called-back runs and receptions under Replacement Rule Book #34: 'No Forward Progress Unless You're Cam Newton'.

Falcons Start: Billy Joe Tolliver as your WR1, has to be, because he wore #11, and Latinos don't play football, right, white hat judge? 'Julio', that's funny! Falcons Screw: Tony Gonzalez, because man oh man, white hat judge, now you're trying to trick me again! If'n there ain't a first one, there sure ain't another one! You're sh-thouse crazy, funny! Sure I'll buy an old Saturn from you after the game!

Final Score: Cam Newton 52 Panthers 0 Falcons 7

Vikings @ Lions - Certainly didn't expect the Vikes to be leading their division, didja? But I did expect the Lions to sorta suck it, so I was kinda right.

Vikings Start: Chris Kluwe, who should lead the Vikes offensively with 25 points based on the traditional NFL '5 points per punt' rule, instated way back at the kick-off of this game. Viking Screw: Jerome Simpson, because that sideline judge is also his parole officer, and he's gonna set him up for 'holding' with a drop bag on his first game back.

Lions Start: Barry Sanders, who will finally get that NFL rushing record he hasn't been chasing for 14 years. Lions Screw: Kevin Smith. Like usual.

Vikings Win,  7-6, 3-6, 7-4 and Advance to the Quarterfinals

Patriots @ Bills - One things for certain in this week's re-staging of this immortal blood feud: One of these teams is leaving with a retroactively cleansed undefeated record, and the other will be exiled to Bolivia to begin their new lives as a sugar cartel. (Replacement Rule Book #123)

Pats Start: Steve Grogan, the greatest quarterback in Patriots' history See below for all the proof you need. Pats Screw: Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba.


Bills Start: OJ Simpson. Bills Screw: OJ Simpson.

Nicole Brown Simpson Is The Loser In This Matchup.....OLD SCHOOL OJ HUMOR FTW!

Bengals @ Jaguars - This game will be cancelled due to Head Referee Jim Core's incurable lifelong fear of big cats.

Double Forfeit, Which Means Free Crunch Dip at Dairy Queen!

Dolphins @ Cardinals - It's gonna be a tough ride to the desert for the Sunshine Saviors - particularly since the Ruby Tuesday's next to the Red Roof where the refs are staying is running a 3-for-1 on Jagerbombs on the Saturday night before.

'That's a 5 yard penalty for...uh..krunking?'
Dolphin Start: Karlos Dansby. Playing against his old squad, Karlos should easily be able to intimidate the officiating crew into crediting him with 4 sacks, 2 picks and 11 Two Point Conversions. Dolphin Screw: I'd feel safe playing any of their receivers, as all the OPI calls will be going against Chad Johnson, that guy the officials saw on Hard Knocks, because he's their receiver, right guys?

Cardinals Start: Beanie Wells, though temper your expectations, as his status on the IR will likely result in being credited with under 8 three-pointers. Cardinals Screw: Larry Fitzgerald, as his propensity for roughing the passer, icing the puck, and filibustering the House of Representatives is going to cost his fantasy owners more than a few Pac-Mans.

Raiders @ Broncos - Finally, a game this week that may indeed elicit a stadium fire with one bad call! While the 'inciting' part of that riot might be easier were this in Oakland, that fresh mountain air sure can carry an ember!

Raider Start: Seabass. This one's for real. Seabass is not only the greatest kicker to ever play, not only the greatest Raider to ever play, but might one day be regarded as the greatest person ever. Raider Screw: Darren McFadden, who will be forcibly ejected from the game early in the first quarter for 'Eyeballing the Back Judge' (Replacement Rule Book #3)

Broncos Start: Eh, whoever, pick one! Broncos sit: Gary Hogeboom.

Final Score: Denver: Eleventy, Raiders: π


Titans Oilers @ 1984 Texas Rangers - What better way to celebrate our rich American history in sports than by really going throwback! Anybody can wear a jersey, but not just anybody can use their oil money to tear a rip in the time-space continuum....HOORAY FOR TEXAS!

Oiler Start: The Tyler Rose, Earl Mothereffing Campbell. Below is the greatest run in the history of the sport, and some thirty years later, will garner you 15 and 2/3rds points in regular fantasy scoring Oiler Screw: Chris Johnson. Seriously: Eff that guy already. Useless. He'll be good for 18 carries for 3 yards. FOR REALS.



Rangers Start: Buddy Bell...should go 3 for 5 with a double and a knock. A ringer against lefties, and a solid glove. Rangers Screw: Odell Jones. Classic gas can. Oilers should light him up early.

WINNER: THE HOUSTON COLT '45s

Redskins @ Buccaneers - Considerado un clásico de rivalidad absolutlely nadie, aquí está uno de esos 'sólo' para los fans de emparejamientos en la cuarta semana.

Redskins Beginn: Ryan Grant - Sie wollten nicht unterschreiben ihn seinen Arsch auf der Bank sitzen! 152 Meter und eine halbe Touchdown! Redskins Schäube: Robert Griffin III, da diese refs haben genug von seinem "Talent" Unsinn hatte.

Buccaneers Početak: Stvarno, Doug Martin je samo redovito 'ići' na ovoj momčadi tjedna u tjedan dana i van, ali Redskins nisu najtvrđeg protiv pass, pa ako bi moglo biti dobar tjedan za Vincent Jackson ili Mike Williams - osobito u savijati. Buccaneers Vijak: Josh Freeman je najviše nezanimljiv bek početkom u NFL danas.

Fitorja Për Redskins, që të fillojnë të kërkojnë Moxie e tyre!

Saints @ Packers - I'm too close to this one, so instead I'm turning over this game preview to fellow ReclinerQB contributor Sonny Prier:


New Orleans Saints = Napping guy
Green Bay Packers = Pit bull
NFL Referees = Renton



*Originally published on The Fantasy Football Guys forums



Start ALL your Packers, and screw ALL your Saints.

Winner by a score of Green Bay 48 to New Orleans 14....THE SAINTS!

Giants @ Eagles - Once a must-see, I'm afraid this year's showdown might get pretty unwatchable fast.

Giant Start: Eli Manning, as Umpire Oscar Shorten's kid has had that Manning Fathead up on the wall for ten years now, only he's wearing mostly white and a little blue, but that's the same guy, right? Give him six downs! Giant Screw (that's funny, kids!): All the NFL fans. Again this week.

Eagles Start: LeSean Tomlinson Eagles Screw: Goddamned Vick. That's a real one. Not touching that guy again this year.


Bears @ Cowboys - This is the Monday Night Game, right? Probably going to miss most of it, because there's no way it's gonna be as terrific as last week.

Bear Start: Cutty! If you're in a '10 points per interception or sack taken' league! Bear Screw: Cutty! If you're not.

Cowboys Start: Romo! If you're in a '10 points per interception or sack taken' league! Cowboy Screw: Romo! If you're not.

Winner: The NFLRA

Please join me Sunday for my 'Trapped in the RedZone' live blog of all the day's happenings, and join me again next week here, when hopefully sanity has been restored and Mike Carey returns to claim the throne that is his.




Wasn't that something? Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. He's lonely.

In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - they deserve love too!








Saturday, September 22, 2012

NFL Week 3: Start 'Em/Screw 'Em Preview Bonanza


by Matt Prendergast


ALRIGHT! Three weeks in, and I haven't given up this weekly evidentiary procedure proving I have both questionable prognostication skills and an undying need for attention. Hit me with your loving hammer NFL Week 3!

Since it's clear that Roger Goodell is opting to forgo 'getting qualified professionals on the field to maintain order' in lieu of 'fining every effing player the following week because that certainly makes a difference', let's assume that we're going to continue to watch XFL 2012 full-contact footballs. Which you would think would be advantageous for the Raiders, but it looks like they forgot they're the Raiders. Sad, really, it's like time forgot them.

Seriously, Rog. How about cutting off a slice of that sweet Time-Warner Cable money and getting Mike Carey back in charge, you dink? Enough politics, GO!

Thursday Review: The Giants aren't dead, and apparently aren't even broken; The Cam Nortons are.  Not sure why everybody else seemed to think that Camshaft wasn't going to get figured out, but it's pretty clear now that he has been. Great sign for the franchise when once again Steve Smith has to be the goddamn voice of common sense. In the interim, the Giants discovered their back-up RB is probably better than Ahmad Bradshaw, and they can plug whoever in at the slots and go. Glad I invested in Hakeem Nicks.  Martellus Bennett is pretty alright. Fantasy warning: I would steer clear of all Panthers for the next couple of weeks, period. Running game is horrible, and Cam has now shown his first signs of Vince Youngedness in his sideline sulk, sucks for Smith - maybe Cam responds, but how do you console Superman when it turns out he was just some dude with a blanket around his neck? Also, Greg Olsen was not a sleeper; he was Greg Olsen.


Rams @ Bears  - Am highly looking forward to this - on the one hand, the Rams are a couple of plays away from being 2-0. And on the other hand, the Rams are a couple plays away from being 0-2. One thing is definite: The Bears are definitely, soundly, 1 and 1. You know I'm all about the Stache here, right?

Rams Starts: Might want to start rolling Bradford out there, because, you know, he's in the Top 3 performance guys right now. Right after Alex Smith. Absorb that. Also, look at that list - have I been overestimating passer rating this whole time? The top ten has seven guys that were on my 'Do Not Draft' list. Run Amendola in a WR2, especially in a PPR, and I'm good with Gibson in the WR2 slot as well. Screw 'Em: Since Steven Jackson got a groin injury from being abruptly yanked off the field, and Richardson showed up strong, I'm wary of either guy since nothing has been determined, and the Bears can still hamper the run.

I didn't make this. Don't know who did. Is great.
Bears Starts: Michael Bush. We're done here. Screw 'Em: Cutler looked beyond 'bad outing', he looked incapable and Ryan Leaflike. And I'm no longer positive the Bears are doing their fanbase justice by continuing to run with an emotionally stunted and immature clown as their offensive leader - honestly, one more ass week, and they should give Jason Campbell a run out there. Yes, I mean that. He's used to passing under constant pressure.

Sleepy-Sleeper: If for some reason Jackson is totally out of this game, I would put Richardson in the RB2 or flex spot without a flinch. Or even a worry.

Jeff Fischer's Playoff-Bound Rams Win by Seven; Chicago Sports Radio Explodes

Bills @ Browns - This is going to feel weird to type, but the Browns are playing more fundamentally sound team football this year. Are my pinkies supposed to have this burning feeling?

Bills Starts: Spiller. And Scott Chandler, while the iron is hot. If you've got Stevie, it's a good week for him with Haden on the suspension list....Screw 'Em: Fitzgerald and all the rest of them.

Browns Starts: Richardson looks like he was a good pick after all - run him like you drafted him high (because I did), and I'd include Greg Little in your WR3/Flex considerations. Screw 'Em: There are no other Browns I would imagine are on any fantasy rosters anywhere. Maybe Old Man Brandon, but you aren't playing him unless you're in a 37 team fantasy league.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Meh. Don't have one. This game has the potential to get unwatchable fast.

I 'Member When I Thunk the Bills Were Good; I Was Young and Dumb. BROWNS WIN BY 3!

Buccaneers @ Dem Cowboys - It only took two weeks for Dallas faithful to start melting down - right on schedule! The Boys looked inefficient against a really good defense, and a pretty good team in Seattle. Settle the eff down, hoss. Buccaneers seem scrappy, but I have a lot of trouble believing they're really more than a .500 team this year.

Buc Starts: Vince J and Doug Martin Screw 'Em: Freeman and Dallas Clark - one's unmistakably average, the other played in the 70s, what a wacky pair!

Roll Them Boys: All name brands are safe to stock on your shelf this week. Screw 'Em: Again this week, accept you wasted your waiver spot on Ogletree. He's only a factor when one of those two top-shelfers go out-of-stock for a couple of weeks.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Tampa Mike has scored in consecutive weeks, not the worst WR3 or flex guy to get out there, since VJ will continue to get the priority coverage. That said, I like the Dallas secondary, and expect low passing stats for the Tamps this week regardless.

You might want to re-list this on Ebay as soon as you order it.
Jaguars @ Colts - Jesus H. This is why there's blackout rules.  This game used to be good.

Whole Game Starts: MJD. Reggie Wayne. Screw ALL The Rest of 'Em.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Donnie Avery in a flex or WR3 - we aren't at Bye weeks yet, and two week does not 'reliable' make, but....maybe in a pinch. Note: lots of sleeper notes about how Donald Brown is a great play against the Jags' worst run D in the land. Know what changes that 'Worst Run D' rep? Donald Brown.

Colts Win! Colts Win! THIS IS YOUR SUPER BOWL, INDY!

Jarts @ Dolphins - A battle for a share of first place in the AFC East! How did that division become so bottle-of-pills sad so quickly?

Jets Starts: I still don't like any of these guys, really, but do you really think the Dolphins are going to hold them down and make them eat dirt? Run Santonio, for certain, the Fins are next-to-last against the pass. EVEN IF MARK SANCHEZ IS THE PASSER. Screw 'Em: They are, however, 4th against the run, which makes Shonn Greene even a worse play than normal.

Fin Starts: The Jets, however, are not in even the top half against the rushing attacks of the league, and Reggie Bush might just put together two back-to-back career games. Believe in Reggie. He needs the love.  Screw 'Em: The New York Football Jets aren't particularly great against the air game either, but that's where Tannehill comes into play. Aside from Fasano in some bizarre two TE league, I wouldn't touch any of the Dolphins receivers this week in fantasy play.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Jeremy Kurley - If Santonio gets jammed up, he looks like the guy Sancho looks for more often than not, and should be good for 60 and a score.

That Said, And This Is Going to Sound Ridiculous, The Dolphins Win This Game on The Ground and Rex Ryan Nearly Has A Stroke In Beautful Florida

49ers @ Vikings - Sometimes, the gods above hand out a 'gimme'.

Niner Starts: Vernon, Frank and ALEX EFFING SMITH.  Screw 'Em: All those receivers, since none of them seem to stand out whatsoever - any and all are a dice-roll at best, and you don't need to risk that this early.

Viking Starts: AD, Harvin.....maybe Kyle Rudolph in a squeeze. Screw 'Em: That defense is going to take a brutal pounding, and then still be asked to play three additional quarters.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I know what I said about the San Fran Receiving Corps, but if I've got a flex, I'm running Randy Moss out there this week - and that may be the last time I say that. Knows the team, lots of emotion, and the Niners will look to do the same thing with him against the Vikes they did against the Packers - score with him just to say they did. Bonus points if he removes his pants after the score.

San Francisco by Double-Digits. Probably In the First Half. Catch Up on Some Reading.

Chiefs @ Saints - Wow. This might be the sh*ttiest game of the week. I can't believe I'm saying that about the Chiefs/Saints in week 3. Two colossal disappointments floundering desperately to not have their season end before October. Guh.

Much less depressing. And cuter, unless Pierre wears a beret.
Chief Starts: Matt Cassell. The Saints cannot play defense, great week for your Chiefs. Screw 'Em: Your aren't still considering Hillis are you? Because some guy named Shawn Drawn or some such nonsense has edged him out of the back-up spot.

Saints Starts: Drew Brees, Pierre Thomas, Graham, Colston (if he ain't hurt), Lance Moore in a WR2. Because the Chiefs also cannot play defense either. Screw 'Em: Sproles ain't been much this year, and I think this is going to be a run-for-six, bomb, repeat kind of day....would rather have Ingram or Thomas this week.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I already put Lance Moore up there....let's include Jon Baldwin for fun! WR3/Flex only. Saints D is awful, why not?

Awful Saints are Still Way Better Than Awful Chiefs. By Like 17 Points. Book it!

Bengals at Redskins - Hey, can somebody tell me how in the hell Pierre Garcon got hurt again? Because I still haven't figured that out, and you're KILLING ME, PIERRE.

Bengal Starts: While I still love Benjarvus, and you have to play him, don't look for more than RB2 #s at best. Start playing Andew Hawkins in your WR2 spot for the bye weeks, dude is a firecracker jammed in a cat's behind; you're never gonna be sure what's gonna happen, but it's bound to be exciting. (Note: We at ReclinerQB neither suggest nor endorse the insertion of Class C Fireworks into any living creature, in any orifice, so don't do that, stupid). Screw 'Em: Jermaine Gresham is kinda feeling like a washout, isn't he?

Redskins Starts: Until he blows out magnificently, RG3 is a starting fantasy QB, period. And Alfred Morris is the same in the RB category. Screw 'Em: However, until Pierre tapes up his ankle or whatever, it's anyone's guess who's gonna get the looks (outside of Fred Davis), so I can't recommend playing any of the receivers....but I can DEFINITELY say 'it's not gonna be Santana Moss ever again'.

Sleepy-Sleeper: To hell with it, put in Hankerson in your Flex. See what happens.


Locked-in: 132 on the ground and 2 scores. A PPR must-start
Lions @ Titans - Let's just say this, so the healing process can begin: The Tennessee Titans are the worst team in professional football. Accept it.

Lions Starts: The usual suspects, plus Kevin Smith since Tenn couldn't stop 'Kevin Smith, director of Clerks and Mallrats' from going a hundy, let alone a trained NFL running back. Screw 'Em: Don't have any, really.

Titans Starts: None of them. Not even Britt, even though I have to start him in three leagues. Screw 'Em: The Tennessee Titans.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Did Javon Ringer rehab his arm back to functioning yet? Because when he does, he should start being their running back. Hell, they should make a run at Steve Slaton. Sorry about your damn Johnson.

Lions By Nine Million Points

Eagles @ Cardinals - Just like expected, a showdown of undefeated powerhouses! Here's the thing (copyright 2008, Kevin Moore), the Arizona Cardinals have been more convincing in their victories the past two weeks. This fact is made even more bizarre by the continued seemingly total absence of a viable offense. Should be a real barn-burner in the desert sun.

Green Bird Starts: Cards have a tougher D than anticipated, so I'd only go ahead and start only the Eagles offensive players that you have on your fantasy roster.  Screw Em: Except Maclin, on account of he's not playing this week, making it three of my four drafted WRs in my money league that haven't been certain to play since week one (See: Smith, Steve and Fancy Pierre).

Red Bird Starts: I repeat, I'm not sure how the Cards have won two straight - their running game doesn't exist, and there's still nobody outside of Fitz worth starting. Screw 'Em: Ryan 'Second Coming' Williams, Beanie, Skeletor and Kolb. And anybody else there.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Not so much a sleeper, but I have that gut feeling that Vick is due a big, 'no eff-ups' game, and a convincing victory here would do a lot to solidify what's been a sketchy undefeated start to the year. If you've got Mike, run him this week without a doubt.

The Eagles By Ten Celeks!

Falcons @ Chargers - Another match-up of undefeated behemoths! And this one is my coin-flip of the week, so buyer beware!

Falcon Starts: Receivers, and the QB, but temper your expectations - Chargers have a tight Defense on both sides of the game - less so on the pass, however. Screw 'Em: Mike 'Hard Lemonade' Turner....horrible match-up at the tail-end of a bad week.

Charger Starts: Falcons are about on par with the Bolts in terms of passing defense, but blow against the run. Thankfully, the Chargers still don't have a running back, necessarily. That said, I'd still run Mathews out there, even in limited duty - Rivers, Gates and Floyd are your other winners. Screw 'Em: Eddie Royal (who you don't have) and Robert Meachem (who you might) have only proven that stashing Vincent Brown on your bench for the second half of the season might be a terrific idea.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Even with Gates back, purportedly, I like the Chargers continuing to use Dante Rosario  in the clutch going forward. He will never - repeat, NEVER - have another game like last week. But he certainly can have a few 45 and a scores over the year, especially with Phil needing reliable guys for a few weeks.

The Chargers Continue Their Remarkable First Month Charge To Second-Half Letdown!

Texans @ Broncos - Let it be said that Peyton Manning has never had as bad of a half as he did last week. And the Broncos were still in the game. However, the Texans are purt near better than the Falcons.

Texan Starts: Foster and Andre. Maybe Owen Daniels in a tight race. Screw 'Em: Matt Schaub has been less than spectacular this year, see no reason for that to change this week - and I don't think Ben Tate repeatedly puts up RB1 numbers from the back-up slot - not against a decent defense like the Broncos.

Bronco Starts: Manning, Demaryius and....Willis McGahee. Texans are certainly tough against runners, but McGahee just seems to keep getting his week in and out - the Bronco offense keeps a balance, and that helps. Screw 'Em: Eric Decker has been of the disappoint to date. May change as the season develops. Won't change against the Texans.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Joel Dreesen. Against the team that chose to let him walk away, and arguably the more effective TE anyway, I'd run him out there this week above many of the name-brand guys - don't get stupid, there's a line of demarcation there, but you should be smart enough to know where that is.

Manning Don't Go Out Like That Two Weeks In A Row: Broncos Kick Houston In Their Holsters

Steelers @ Raiders - The Raiders should send the Titans money for keeping them out of the very bottom of the Sh*tcan. You dudes just got your ass mailed home by the Miami Dolphins. How's that Palmer trade looking?

'May or may not increase in value.'
Steeler Starts: If you got Dwyer, here's your last chance to use him, and you should. Both the receivers and Shreklisberger are safe and recommended fantasy starts.  Screw 'Em: Heath Miller can't keep being a productive fantasy Tight End. It defies the will of God.

Raider Starts: I guess you can't sit McFadden if you've got him, but good god. Screw 'Em: Note this was said here first; the Terrelle Pryor Era is nigh. Sit all those Raiders until further notice.

Steelers By A Ton, And Don't Be Surprised If Ben-ben is Out Clubbing/Running From The Law With Seabass by Quarter 3

Patriots @ Ravens - Now this! This is a Sunday Night Game! The 'Back-To-Terra-Firma' Flacco versus the 'Human-After-All' Brady duel; Rice v. Ridley (eh, sorta); GRONK V. PITTA!!!

Patriot Starts: Against the Ravens D? Well, run them all out there. It's not that good so far.  You were playing Tom-tom and Gronk and Welker anyway - but you play your Ridley, the Ravens haven't been real sharp against the run. Screw 'Em: I'll keep saying it: Brandon Lloyd was a wasted draft pick for you. And don't be insane and run Kellen Winslow out there - he'd have been on the team before if they had a real plan for him.

Ravens Starts: Did you realize that both the Pats and the Packers - last year's worst-evar defenses are both Top 5 this year? And then did you remember that it's week 3? Good. You have basic logic skills.  You don't sit Ray, I don't think you sit Flacco outside of a clear better option, and Boldin, Pitta and even Torrey Smith are all starts this week, as it's going to be high points to win this gunfight. Screw 'Em: But I'd sit the Defense. Wow. Never thought I'd type that.

Sleepy-Sleeper: There aren't any here - if I've got guys from either squad on my roster, I'm playing them. Even if it somehow ends up a defensive battle, it's well worth the risk.

Ravens Eek It Out; Pats Begin Search For Answers, Probably Involves Cutting Winslow Again

Packers @ Seahawks - And, a terrific Monday night game as well - how did ESPN land that? Somebody at the schedulemaker's office must have assumed Tavaris Jackson would still be starting for Seattle at this point, and that Marshawn would be imprisoned by his own demons. As luck would have it, no such thing!

Marshawn ought to wear a big fur stole,
because that looks fantastic.
Packer Starts: Rodge, Jordy and Jennings (assuming he plays). And the Defense. Screw 'Em: Cedric - it's just a horrifying match-up - even in a flex I don't like his chances for not making you cry-sad.

Seahawk Starts: Beast-Man, the Defense, I suppose. Sidney Rice. That's probably it - you've got better options everywhere else. Screw 'Em: All those other receivers that can't separate from each other. Do they still use a Tight End?

Sleepy-Sleeper: I know you've given up on him; that's why it's the perfect time for Jermichael Finley to strike with two scores - he's at his best when you've finally benched him. So trick-er-oo him back into your line-up for one week only (for now).

The Packers Continue To Erase The Memory of That Abysmal Week One, Whilst Russell Wilson Continues To Try To Keep His Head Connected To His Shoulders As He First Meets Hunter Clay Matthews. Packers By 14.



That's it for this week - good luck and god speed. LET'S MAKE SOME CHILI DOGS!



JOIN ME TOMORROW ON THE RECLINER QB MAIN PAGE FOR WEEK THREE REDZONE LIVE-BLOGGING! It's fun and delicious!


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Saturday, September 15, 2012

NFL Week 2 Fantasy/Reality - Start 'Em/Screw 'Em Previews

by Matt Prendergast

Welcome back, wasn't last week fun! YAY! FOOTBALL IS GREAT SUPER HAPPY NICE SHOW!

Alright, no time for horseplay, let's get right into the stew:

AIR CUTLER GAVE IT UP TO GREEN BAY. Again.
Hope you started...um, actually, Mason Crosby. And Michael Bush. You didn't have Driver or Tom Crabtree or Kellen Davis. And you still shouldn't.  So that's about it....keep a good eye on Cedric going forward, he looked comfy and may very well be a solid RB2 as the season developed. Screw 'Em Cause They Screwed You: If you had Cutty or Marshall or Forte starting, good luck with the rest of your week. And the same goes for Jordy 'STOP REVERSING FIELD WHEN YOU CATCH THE BALL EVERY GODDAMN TIME' Nelson and 'DROPPO' Finley. And effing James Jones....you are a frustrating man, JJ, but I still believe.

TO THE GAMES YET TO BE PLAYED!

Chiefs @ Bills - Hmm. Already a stumper. In deducing the correct solution, we first must analyze the evidence collected a half-fortnight past, so let's proceed, Watson! First we know that: The Bills were horrifying. And sustained injuries to a) the starting RB, and b) the other starting WR (I think, I'm not sure who that is out there), and c) Stevie Johnson is still nursing a sore groin (gross). We also learnt the Chieftains of the City of Kansas a) Can't stop the pass (when it's effective), b) Can't really stop the run, probably?, and c) Can't stop the music. OTHER EMBARASSING CHIEF TO THE RIGHT- JENNER, -GUTTENBERG - HUT HUT HIKE!

Chiefs Starts: Jamaal Charles looked pretty recovered, and while Dwayne Bowe didn't seem to be on the field last week, he's still worth the run in a WR2 against a defense that let Jeremy Kurley become a commodity last week. Screw Em': Peyton Hillis looked average to worse, and don't expect that to change. And all the other Chiefs for the time being...

Bills Starts: Last week I told you Spiller was a terrific flex play...this week, he's a terrific starting RB. If you've got Stevie in there, you play him as well, and Scott Chandler is a pretty tight play at TE. Screw 'Em: The Bearded Bomb Launcher. Somebody check his locker collection of Phish bootlegs and find the hidden stash.....will not respond well to combo of 'less starting receivers' with the Chiefs 'returning starters in secondary'.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I don't think there's anybody in this game not listed above that I'd slip into a flex for surprise points - maybe Donald Jones? Jon Baldwin? Eh, you've got better options.

Chiefs Win, Will Trigger First 'Coach On The Hot Seat' Report of the Regular Season 

New Orleans @ Carolina  - Two games so far, and four 'must wins' on both sides? Good year so far....We already know the Saints have some issues stopping the pass, and the run, from a juggernaut offense like the - Redskins? - huh. On the flip side, the Panthers got solidly beat down by the Buccaneers, who didn't even particularly play that good of a game. Worries, Carolina, worries.

New Orleans Starts: If you got the big names, you play 'em, dummy. Screw 'Em: Mark Ingram, and, god forbid you drafted him with intentions of playing him, Pierre Thomas.  Yuck.

Carolina Starts: Well, the panic switch ain't been thrown on Cam yet, so he's your go...and I love Steve Smith AND Brandon LaFell this week. LOVE. Like Valentine's Day! Screw 'Em: Last week's leading Carolina rusher was somebody named 'Pilates' or something, who got 5 yards on 1 rush. Cam took 2nd with 4 yards. Eff. You. DeAngelo. And I no trust the Stewart just as much. Never has so much money been been so freely burned on nothing outside of acTennessee Titans negotiation. Is it the Tobacco Lobby or the Moonshiners Conglomerate? WHO HAS ALL THIS FREE MONEY?!?

Sleepy-Sleeper: Lance Moore in a flex, just in case he actually establishes himself as the #2 (finally).

New Orleans Will Not Drop Two In a Row To Start The Season. It Won't Happen. Sorry, Cam.


Cleveland @ Cincinnati - Well, if there's one thing we can count on, it's that this will be ugly. Always is, one way or another - and this one's special, it's the first time the two flame-heads get to duke it out for state supremacy. Only one may be declared King of Ohio.

Cleveland Starts: Try Richardson again. He's gotta start working sometime, right? Did somebody check his batteries? Plug him in overnight? Do we have the right USB cable? Screw 'Em: All the other Browns. In the words of MAD Magazine: Blecch.

Cincinnati Starts: ALL IN! On Benjarvis Green-Ellis, that is! Great week one again the Ravens, just think of the possibilities for this week, when he's not facing a defense! Also, AJ Green and let's give a tip of the hat to Andrew Hawkins, who slipped under the radar last week to be the Bengals leading receiver. And this week, he's against the Browns, so roll that dude in a flex....Screw 'Em: Dalton, still. You just have a better guy that you drafted ahead of him, you know?

Sleepy-Sleeper: Love Jermaine Gresham - last week he was barely a blip, but he has good outings against the Browns in recent history.

Might Not Be a Complete Drubbing, But The Bengals Will Win This With Ten Points of Authority.

Minnesota @ Indianapolis  - I like what the schedule makers laid out this year so far. It's gonna give a lot of iffy teams a lot of hope running into the second month before their hopes are crushed beneath the grinding Doc Martin heel of 'good' professional footballs. Except Indy's already gonna probably be done by then anyway.

Vikings Starts: I told you to start AD. I was right. Run him, run Harvin....but that's it for now. That's all they need for now.  OH, except that kicker - Blair Walsh (wasn't she on The Facts of Life? Or is that the missing kid from America's Most Wanted: Season One?). That dude is stone-cold.  Screw 'Em: One week doth not a decent player make of Aromashoe, so don't even think it. That defense ain't very good either.

Colts Starts: This is pretty much gonna just say 'Reggie Wayne in the WR2 or 3' for the foreseeable future, okay? Screw 'Em: Everybody else....except!

Sleepy-Sleeper: Donald Brown didn't start out real hot against the Bears, but as the game wore on, his efficiency increased - and he looks to be the primary back. MJD had some success against the Vikes, and the Colts will need a run game established for air success of any kind....if you lost Fred Jackson or Forte, I'd feel terrific slotting D. Brown in that spot this week, or a flex if you got it.

Minnesota Will Continue to 2-0 and Lead the NFC North

Houston @ Jacksonville - Jax hung in there last week, looking better than imagined. Against the Vikes. These. Not. Vikes.

Houston Starts: Schaub, AJ, Arian and...Owen Daniels returns to import! Screw 'Em: Tate looks like an old deflated ball last week, so I wouldn't trust him for much yet, maybe at all this year unless Arian really gets banged up. And Walters is out of your lineup until Andre is out of Houston's.

JAX Starts: MJD, and I don't dislike Marcedes Lewis. Screw 'Em: Gabbert may win me over in the long run, but not this week, not yet. Same for Justin Blackmon....he's still way too early in the cooking process.

Sleepy-Sleeper: But as Gabbert maintains composure, his receivers will benefit - slow first week for Laurent Robinson, but I like him a lot in a WR3 - maybe even a 2 if you've got a couple banged up guys out there. Don't expect world-beater, but 74 and a score ain't out of the question.

Houston is Nonetheless Going To Win By No Less Than Fourteen. But Less Than A Hundred.

Oakland @ Sad Miami  - Miami fans, I'd like to give you something positive to look forward to, but Jeff Ireland hasn't allowed for that, and I'll never lie to you. Here's the deal: Oakland has two of their three best receivers banged up, and still have the better passing game. Tough love. This won't be easy, but we'll get through it.

This came up when I searched for 'McFadden'. He should ride this into
the stadium during pre-game. And also on third down. TACO BELL FTW!
Raiders Starts: McFadden. Janikowski. And that's it. Screw 'Em: If it weren't for McFadden, we'd all be speaking of how Palmer is pretty done ever being more than average. Yes, doesn't help that Ford and Moore didn't make it in last week, but I wouldn't trust Carson (or the remaining receivers) for my fantasy team ever again.

Miami Starts: Reggie Bush. That's it. Screw 'Em: Tannenbaum looked AWFUL last week. Yes, week one rookie. But now it's only week two rookie, and his misery affects everybody else on this team for the immediate future.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Rod Streater - in a desperation flex, or maybe a WR3 - tons of talent, but a young'un. Did score the only receiving TD for the Raiders last week, and with Moore still likely out - at best being used only as distraction, I'm actually running Streater out there in one of my leagues in the 3 hole.

I Was Very Close to Picking Miami In the Upset, But Then I Read the Warnings About Side Effects When Mixing Day-Quil and Mucinex. So Raider Nation Goes To 1 and 1.

Arizona @ New England - Good god.

Cardinal Starts: No. Okay, 'Fitz', then 'no'. Screw 'Em: I hope the Arizona faithful can hold onto last week's victory feeling as they cry themselves to sleep.

Patriot Starts: Yes. All of them. Screw 'Em: Except Brandon Lloyd. And I'm not backing down on this.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Ryan Williams, but this is literally only because I have to start him in my Dynasty League as my long term options James Starks and Javid Best haven't worked out on account of awful. Note: You should not play Ryan Williams this week under any circumstances.

Tampa Bay @ New York Gents - One team came out tough and determined and surprisingly composed; the other came out flat and unorganized and got punked by a guy named 'Ogletree', which I had previous thought was a female hygiene product manufacturer, or possibly the fat kid from The Bad News Bears. Doesn't matter.

Buccaneer Starts: Doug Martin. Screw 'Em: Outside of Doug E. Fresh, the Buccaneers didn't win last week so much as the Panthers lost - tough D, give them that, but I trust nobody else on the offense in fantasy play.

Giants Starts: The assumed: Eli, Hakeem, Victor.  That was one week, they won't repeat that piss-poor play again this outing. While the Bucs D looked terrific last week, the Giants are a more experienced team, and should be able to adjust. Screw 'Em: But I don't like Ahmad Bradshaw normally, let alone against a squad that left Carolina with negative yards for their primary back.

Sleepy-Sleeper: There ain't one here. Maybe Hixon, but I wouldn't likely play him if I had him, so there's that.

Giants Win By a Couple O' Scores

Baltimore @ Philadelphia - Aha! Finally a game where I can make some brazen calls that prove I am either genius or a-hole! Probably both! Or at least the second one! This whole game is gonna be shook up real good inside the ugly bag and spilled out all over our living rooms. Ravens convincingly beat Cincinnati in a game that Cincy didn't lay down in, whilst the Eagles stole a game they should have lost to the Browns. I mean, they shouldn't have, in any conceivable plane of reality but this one. But in this one, yeah, the Browns should have that win.

Ravens Starts: Rice (no kidding?), Boldin, The Defense, and Flacco - but temper your expectations, he's not 'All World, Every Week' quite yet. Screw 'Em: Torrey Smith, until he does something two weeks in a row. Don't trust him.

Eagles Starts: McCoy. Because you have to, and he's that good. Screw 'Em: (Here we go!) All the rest of them. Celek is Celek, Maclin and DeSean are already all banged up, and Mike Vick, in fantasy play, just cannot be trusted. One good drive against the Browns - does that mean he's doomed against Baltimore? Nope. He may be lights-out. Or he may suck. He's a Human Dice Roll, and I'm done believing that's ever going to change.

Sleepy-Sleeper:  I'd play Dennis Pitta over every other TE in the league save for Graham and the New England Duo.

Baltimore Wins In a Backstreet Brawl

Dallas @ Seattle - A week ago, I'd have called this in favor of the Seahawks with much aplomb. There's the magic of a real week of football - no way, no how.

Dallas Starts: DeMarco, Dez, Miles and Tony Screw 'Em: Witten and Ogletree (I need more than one week, kids, but bully for you for winning your waiver wire). Witten looked like he didn't really need to rush back so quickly.

Burger King first shed light on 'Braylon Edwards Syndrome''
Seattle Starts: I guess Lynch is a go whenever he's a go - Russell Wilson wasn't your first QB pick, so don't play him, unless he was for some reason, then, well, one week is one week. I like Sidney Rice. Screw 'Em: That glorified defense didn't look quite as world-beating as expected, and Dallas is a considerable piece more lethal than the Cards. I'd look for a better option.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I know he dropped a game winner - but he's got tiny hands! I like Braylon Edwards in a flex or WR3 for the next few weeks....he's working his ass off, and that's going to benefit his owners (few, I know) and Wilson.

Raising ReclinerQB's Super Bowl Dreams To A Height From Which Their Eventual Shattering Will Be Quite Majestic To Witness: The Dallas Football Cowboys.

Washington @ St. Louis - Practically lost in the chaos that ensued after the lowly Redskins handed the Saints their ass on a titanium platter was this: The Rams could (and should) have beaten the Lions just as well. Hear me out: The Lions are not as talented as the Saints, but the Rams are not nearly as bad as everyone assumes they are. Keep in mind, they were very much on the rise until last year was stunted by injuries galore....and Jeff Fisher is a hell of a motivator. Good matchup offensively for both squads.

Washington Starts: Ride 'em while they're hot! RG3, Pierre (if he plays), Fred Davis and Alfred Morris should all be condition 'approved' for a start this week. Screw 'Em: I still hear a lot of 'don't underestimate Santana Moss'. I still ignore these voices.

St. Louis Starts: While I definitely think the Rams are going to hang out in this one, outside of Steven Jackson, there aren't any name-brand fantasy starts here quite yet....wait and see. Screw 'Em: While there aren't a lot of lock-and-load Rams quite yet, at the same time you also don't have them on your roster anyway. Unless you've been drinking paint - have you been drinking paint?

Sleepy-Sleeper: Just for the hell of it, if you've got Brandon Gibson sitting around, why not throw him into your WR3 or flex? Come on....DO IT!

As Much As I Like St. Louis, Washington Will Continue A Fun Run For Another Week

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh - I'll admit that the Jets surprised the hell out of me. And then I'll say this: That's not going to happen again. The Bills were horribly prepared for that game. The Steelers won't have that same challenge.

Attn NY:I will start rooting for you if you change your name
to something cool like Jarts. And also get these legalized again.
New York Starts: I'll begrudgingly say 'Shonn Greene if he's your drafted #2, and Santonio if a couple of your starting WRs are hurt or dead or something'. But I hate both those guys. Hate. Screw 'Em: Mark my words: That's the best game Sanchez has all season. It's still a circus.

Pittsburgh Starts: Eff it, if Mendy's in, then Mendy's in - bad match-up, maybe, but Rashard is coming back to fight for his job from Dwyer, and I love that motivation. He is doubtful, however, so if he is sitting, run with Dwyer and don't worry it none. LOVE Ben, Wallace and Brown in a game against what is assuredly a cocksure Jets team coming to town. Those guys are tremendous thunderclouds in situations as such. The D. Play that D. Screw 'Em: I like most of the obvious Steeler plays this week - with Revis out, Cromartie is gonna have more trouble covering those guys than he does his support payments.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I kinda went all-in on the Steelers there, but you aren't going to listen to me about Mendenhall, so I repeat: play Mendenhall if you've got him and he somehow ends up playing.

Pittsburgh Puts a Whipping on the Jarts

Tennessee @ San Diego - Chargers looked real good last Monday, and that's without a real running game - which, unfortunately, they still won't have available this week. Probably. Meanwhile in Titan Towers, they nearly lost their Qb and WR1 on the same play, gonna be a healthy year!

Titan Starts: Tennessee is going to have to throw to be in this game (for several reasons), so while I don't like Locker, because he's going to make his mistakes for awhile, I'm all in for the return of Kenny Britt. Since Nate Washington is going to be playing, also don't mind him as a WR2 or 3....the Titans will be throwing a lot. If you've got Jared Cook, I'd play him too. Screw 'Em: Did you draft Chris Johnson? Congrats! You got the biggest screwjob of the year. That guy looks wrong - just as wrong as he did all of last year. Will he figure things out? Maybe for four games a year, but if you can sucker somebody into giving you anything of value for this load, do it now and do it fast. Fantasy owners worldwide should be allowed to sue him for monies in a giant class action suit.

Chargers Starts: Last week they spread it out a lot - which devalues almost all the receivers to #2 or flex options at best - that said, I wouldn't hate Meachem or Floyd in that slot, and Rivers is back to #1 QB status just on confidence alone. Screw 'Em: If you need 'Running Back Stats' from a 'Running Back Here', move along. Oh, and Antonio Gates popping up as 'questionable' in week 2 already is a great precursor to him finishing his career on the Browns. GET HEALTHY, G.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Ronnie Brown in a flex - he's not getting you running numbers, but he is going to get you some decent receiving yards, and I'd add in a touchdown, this week. Then drop his can.

Chargers Will Definitively Build More Early Season Confidence That This Is 'Their Year'.

Detroit @ San Francisco - San Fran looked really good giving the shiv to the Packers. The Lions looked really adequate sneaking past the Rams. Expect the 'Fire Schwartz' rumblings to begin Week Five.

Detroit Starts: Stafford, CJ, and that's a wrap! Screw 'Em: This week should go a long way into preparing Lions' fans for Kevin Smith's fade into the either when either LeShoure or Best or Williams or Whoever come in and start carrying. Poor guy, he works hard.

49ers Gold: Davis, Gore, Crabtree, the Defense and...Alex Smith. Can't argue against a guy who works within his system efficiently. I wouldn't start him over any of the big names...but over Freeman, Vick, hell, Cutler (but it's too late for that), I'd start giving him a nod. Screw 'Em: I feel like that stunt play was just for the Packers and Randy Moss is going to fade away into a situational guy at best. Would not play. Manningham still looks lost, so I'd hold back on him for a little as well.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Kendall Hunter got a lot of looks last week - no reason that shouldn't continue, as it looks like they're trying to create a smooth transition away from Gore over the year. Not the worst flex, as SF should have run success against Detroit.

San Fran Coasts to an Early 'NFC Favorites' Article on ESPN

Denver @ Atlanta  - Don't know which surprised me more: Atlanta looked really capable of finishing, or Peyton Manning looked really capable of OHMYGODHE'SSTILLPEYTONMANNINGCRAP!

Now I want waffles.
Denver Starts: Manning. Thomas. Decker. Manning. Thomas. Decker. - the loss of Brent Grimes is going to kill Atlanta this week. Also, The Defense. Screw 'Em - Tamme had a good first week, but I suspect it's going to be 'hot hand roller coaster' with the TEs all year long in Denver, so I don't want either of them.

Atlanta Starts: You don't need me to point this out to you. You know that. Screw 'Em: The Atlanta D. Also, I'd stick Gonzo on the bench - I don't like his chances for scoring two weeks in a row anymore.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Willis McGahee - I don't know a lot of leagues I'm in where Willis isn't regarded as a #3 RB - maybe #2 - this year. In case he's a waffle for you, let's state this: This week, he's going to put up #1 numbers, and that will be the difference in this game.

Denver Beats Atlanta By Fourteen In a High Scoring Affair.

Now get out there and win some fantasy games! (And join me here live tomorrow for 'RedZone Live - Week 2', for as long as I can keep churning out platinum non-sequiters....please?)



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In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - it's takes like, a second...and if you don't have a second, then you might as well not vote this year, toothless. 

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Saturday, September 8, 2012

Wk1 Fantasy/Reality: Start 'Em or Screw 'Em Game Previews!

by Matt Prendergast, filled with awesome.

Holy hell, between seven fantasy drafts and, well, life, I almost forgot about the actual NFL starting....but never fear, here's your tried and true lineup recommends for this, the inaugural week of the greatest time of the year.....with a few risk picks sprinkled in as well

Indy @ Chicago - Well, let's start off with the juggernaut that is the Colts - you already know this, you roll with your studs, so Peyton, Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark are all lock-soli---oh wait, I'm looking at my data from '06, hang on.

Indy Starts:  Reggie Wayne at the WR2 spot - He's solid and the best thing going in Indy. Screw 'Em: Everybody else - Andy Luck shouldn't be in your consideration yet at all, a couple surprising weeks can change that, but not yet. Same for Fleener, and whoever ends up running there - either Donnie Brown or Vick Ballard or Delone 'rapidly dropping off the face of the planet' Carter. Avoids.

Chicago Starts: Forte's a lock, and so's Brandon Marshall until further notice. Bears' D ought to have a decent day...Screw 'Em: If Cutty's your #1, then you're probably going to have a weekly debate on your hands, but I've noted on numerous occasions that while the Bears made all sorts of heralded moves to improve things around Soldier Field, they didn't do jack to address the piss-poor protection that gets JC in the interception groove...Dwight Freeney is pretty good at exploiting that sort of oversight.

Sleepy-Sleeper: In a flex, I don't hate the idea of Michael Bush. I suspect he's going to do a lot of late-game mop-up work, and here's the ideal game to start installing that.

Chicago Wins by 10, possibly 30

Philly @ Cleveland - So Cleveland is no longer having a moment of silence to honor Art Modell before the game (good call - love you Cleveland, but you know that was going to break the wrong way) - besides, they'll still have one at the end of the game after all the murdering on the field.

Philly Starts: GO ALL IN! - Vick, Maclin, Shady, DeSean, Celek - eff it, Riley Cooper if you've got some weird 36 person roster. This should be a tremendous opening for the birds. And don't forget the Defense! Screw 'Em: I said 'ALL IN'.

Wait, did The Browns draft Archie Manning? I'm confused.
Cleveland Starts: You drafted Trent Richardson high for a reason - you play him until he breaks. Screw 'Em: Weedon't, and Greg Little - I think Little might develop into something down the line, but not this week, against this team, with The Brandon Effect still in Version 1.0 mode.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Josh Gordon - the Browns are going to muster some offense, and I think it comes not from Little or Massaquoi (he's still a starter?), but in the 'wild card' of Gordon, who should be a locked-in starter by mid-season. I wouldn't go any higher than a WR3, but if you've got, say Kenny Britt sitting on your bench this week, roll the dice.

Philly Wins By 3rd Round Knockout

Rams @ Detroit - It's still fashionable to consider the Rams 'anemic', or 'hapless', or 'heart-crushing', and by all means, why not? I'll tell you why not: The Mustache Has Returned to The Stadium. Do not underestimate that dude, ever.

Rams Starts: Steven Jackson - week one, and he's still healthy, which is tremendous. Until his hammy melts down or whatever, he's an every-weeker. Screw Em: Bradford. You have to have a better option at this point. Don't lie to me. Pretty much all the receivers can sit for now also - things really haven't shaken out there enough yet to see who's going to take the other starting job for keeps - thus avoiding Gibson and Other Steve Smith (and Brian Quick - but don't you drop him yet) is better for your health.

Detroit Starts: Stafford, Ceej - you know that. But temper expectations a bit - the Janoris Jenkins/Cortland Finnegan secondary isn't too shabby. Screw Em: Kevin Smith - assuming he's still not on IR by gametime. Brandon Pettigrew - I still don't understand the fascination with Pettigrew yearly in Fantasy - he's not Stafford's go-to, ever. Why would that change?

 Sleepy-sleeper: I said 'pretty much'; but maybe Amendola in a WR3 brings you a nice surprise...that's a lukewarm 'maybe', caveat emptor. If your league let's you start Jeff Fischer's mustache, then go with that.

Upset Pick of the Week: Rams Win By A Skinch - I think the St. Louis DBs are going to do a much better job at constraining Calvin than anticipated (note: they will not shut him down completely), leaving Nate 'He Still Plays?' Burleson, Titus 'Trendy' Young and the aforementioned Unimpressivegrew to do a lot of the dirty work. Everyone is overlooking the Rams and expecting a blowout - and those are the situations that I love Jeff Fischer teams in.

Miami @ Houston

See what you did, Jeff Ireland?
Miami Starts: Um....maybe...uh, no, um...Screw 'Em.

Houston Starts: This is almost another 'ALL IN'. Foster, Schaub, Tate, and Andre should all post solid fantasy contributions. Screw 'Em: Owen Daniels doesn't look like he's ever going to be 'Owen Daniels' again, really.

Sleepy-sleeper: Kevin Walter - always the forgotten one, this week I like his chances of getting 80 yards and a score on the 'Fins.

Texans Win Via A Good-Old-Fashioned Beatdown

Falcons @ Chiefs - The Falcons have all kinds of better weapons on paper. I don't think that's going to mean anything in the end though.

Falcons starts: If you've got The Big Five - Ryan, Julio, Roddy, Gonzo and Turner, you're playing them week one, don't be stupid, except....Screw 'Em I really don't have a great feeling about Michael Turner - but again, it's week one, you have to play him.

Chiefs Starts: Charles and Bowe are locks, you're never sitting them. Screw 'Em: Peyton Hillis. He has one good year in his whole career, and last year came off like a giant d-bag. I just don't see him shaking that, especially not with a healthy Charles being the real running weapon.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Wanted to go with Jon Baldwin here, but I don't think this is his week to break out - Atlanta's secondary isn't one of the shabby ones....no, instead I say: Tony Moeaki. Showed tons of promise last year before the injury, and is off the radar - do you start him over the Pats' TEs, Gates or Graham? Are you drinking racing fuel? But ahead of guys like Jared Cook, Brandow Pettigrew, or Dustin Keller, I'd absolutely risk it.

Chiefs Win By A Score Somewhere Between 2 and 8

Jacksonville @ Minnesota - The great news for fans of these franchises is that somebody's starting off the season 1-0.

You were way better on One Tree Hill, Blaine.
Jag Starts: Go ahead and put MJD in there- but I'd temper expectations, he's not putting up RB1 numbers this outing - and I'd leave Rashard in there too, at least this week. Screw 'Em: Probably not touching any of those receivers until I see Blaine Gabbert not appear mentally incapacitated during a regular season game. Against the Vikes secondary, we're gonna get as good a chance as any to see if that's possible.

Vikings Starts: Adrian Peterson. Dude's playing. Dude's playing hard. And a lot. And Harvin, he's a weekly shoe-in at this point. Screw 'Em: Toby Gerhart - see above.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Laurent Robinson - in a WR3 position or desperation flex only - he's had a ho-hum preseason, but as much hell as I give Blaine, guy's getting better and Laurent is the best veteran set of hands available downfield.

Vikings Still Win By 10

Redskins @ Saints - This may be indicative that my medications need adjusting, but I think this is going to be a close game for at least three and a half quarters....no, I mean that. I even re-read it after I typed it.

'Skins Starts: I LOVE Pierre Garcon as a WR2 this year - preseason has shown they're looking for him long and often. Fred Davis, about as solid of a crazy-person-as-Tight-End as you'll find in this league. Screw 'Em: The Seventy-Headed Rushing Attack, and also probably the Defense

Saints Starts: Brees and Graham are the gimmies....and it should be a good week for Darren Sproles to Swiss-Army Knife himself some decent fantasy stats. Screw 'Em: Mark Ingram - I need to see something consistent first - and Marques Colston, assuming DeAngelo Hall gets that duty. I know he's their #1 WR, but he feels more like 'Option 3' after Sproles and Graham....he'll get mid-field yards, but will disappoint fellas looking for touchdowns and lots of yardage.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Robert Griffin III - while it's generally assumed that starting most rookie QBs in week one for any reason is asylum-level bananas, I disagree in this case. The Saints have a shabby defensive output thus far, and RG3's explosivene and orignal style of play is going to get his owners a lot of points this week. A LOT OF THEM.

That Said, Saints By Ten, and RG3 Gets His First Dose of NFL Finishing Moves

Bills @ JETS! - God, I forgot how long these previews take to write - and now I'm doing fantasy crud in here too? Lord. Well, here's my first 'I don't really care' game of the season, because I just don't....except for fantasy reasons, where I care bunches!

This was literally the highlight
of the Jets preseason. Seriously.
Hey Tim, Jesus wore a shirt.
Bills Starts: Fred Jackson - yes, please! Stevie Johnson - you know it! Screw  'Em: Fitz. Not yet, too soon this year. Will still have a problem with the Jets Secondary, and outside of Stevie, there's nobody semi-reliable, yet. Gonna be a lot more running in this game...

Jets Starts: I'm being honest. From a fantasy perspective, I don't want none. Screw 'Em: Shonn Greene has been a letdown, Sanchez/Tebow is ruining them both more than seemed possible in both cases, and Santonio Holmes might be the front runner for this year's 'Meh, No Thanks' former all-pro turned uninteresting option of the year.

Sleepy Sleeper: CJ Spiller is a terrific fit for your Flex spot this week. Ter. Rif. Ic.

Bills Win By Double-Digits and Buffalo Dreams Again!

Patriots @ Titans - Hmm...I don't even know what to think about this one.

Pats Starts: Tommy, The Two TEs, Welker, Stevan Ridley (points leagues only) - won't be many yards, probably will be a TD or two. Screw 'Em: Brandon Lloyd - with the exception of Randy Moss for a little bit there, name-brand receivers have a habit of disappearing in Belichek's offense - and Brandon Lloyd doesn't even have that terrific of a resume, if you really look at it. Ten Seasons: One of them is great. Most of the rest are barely worth a bench spot.

Titans Starts: Moneybags Johnson and Jared Cook. Screw 'Em: Nate Washington - I just don't see it. I see his stats from last year, but just don't see the 'how'.

Sleepy-Sleeper - Kendall Wright, as basically an unknown commodity thrust into a starting spot for a week, wouldn't be the worst WR3 option on the board. May get you nothing, may pay off in chestfuls of doubloons.

Pats By A Minimum of 17

Seahawks @ Cardinals - This next sentence is especially for my loyal reader and friend, Sara R: THIS IS GOING TO BE A BLOODBATH. And by that, I wouldn't be surprised to see 'Fire Ken Whisenhunt' websites cropping up as soon as the end of the first quarter.

Seahawks Starts: Lynch, if he plays, Turbin if Skittlebeast sits. Russell Freaking Wilson, who earned it. Sidney Rice, and welcome back. That Defense. Screw 'Em: Zach Miller - once 'the next great Tight End', for like 8 straight years. Only here because Kellen Winslow fell apart or whatever.

Cardinals Starts: Fitz. That's about it. Screw 'Em: It wouldn't be a week in the NFL if Beanie Wells wasn't possibly injured! And while you shouldn't have Jon Skelton on your roster in the first place, if you somehow do, don't be an idiot.

Sleepy-Sleeper: With Wells showing up as maybe hurt, let's begin the Ryan Williams era already. Would I start him? Probably not, it's a crap match-up....but if somebody on the Cards can do something surprising in this game, here's the guy.

Seattle Wins By A Billion

Most dudes couldn't pull this off, right?
49ers @ My Beloved Packers - Yeah, this is probably the game of the week, because neither of these teams wants to start off with a loss to chime-in their championship year.

Niners Starts: Vernon, Manningham, Gore....Crabtree. Screw 'Em: Randy Moss (Does anybody really think he's on the top of the depth chart? Really?) and Alex Smith (in perpetuity)

Packers Starts: Their Starting Offense Screw'Em: Except Cedric Benson - whom I love for the season here, but debuting against the Niners is gonna be rough-going for my new favorite Cedric. Probably don't quite trust the Pack D in fantasy quite yet either.

Sleepy-Sleeper: James Jones - erratically used, up-and-down with the catches, but GB has held onto him for their reasons - and while there will be plans to cull Jennings, Jordy and Jermichael, that usually leaves a little space for Double J to get 60 and a score. WR3 only.

The Packers Win By Just A Smooch Like Last Year Against The Saints

Panthers @ Buccaneers - Again, I really don't care much about this game....but the fantasy players in it? Hellz yes!

Panthers Starts: Cam, DeAngelo (EMPHATICALLY, with Stewart banged up again), Steve Smith...and in a 3WR league, Brandon LaFell  Screw 'Em: Stewart.

Bucs Starts: Doug Martin, Dallas Clark...Josh Freeman in a push. No, I take that back. Forget I said that. Screw 'Em: Vincent Jackson - until proven otherwise, I'm of the firm belief that VJ needed Phil Rivers way more than Rivers needs VJ....I'm picking Vincent Jackson as this year's winner of The Santonio Holmes Award For Cash-Grabbing Your Way To Mediocrity.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Greg Olsen. Might end up with Top Ten numbers by year's end. I'd play him over Owen Daniels, Marcedes Lewis....pretty much any of the guys that aren't in the top 6.

Panthers Win By a Half-Dozen or So

Steelers @ Broncos - This is also in the Game-of-the-Week running.....

Steeler Starts: Antonio Brown and Mike Wallace. And Ben, if he's your #1 option - there's going to be an air show in Denver this week. Screw 'Em: The RB mess out there all of a sudden....and I might sit the D this week, I just might.

This is the most forehead ever photographed in one sitting.
Bronco Starts: Peyton on national TV with something to prove? You betcha. Decker and Thomas all day...Screw 'Em: Willis McGahee and all those other running backs there, Jacob Tamme until he shows something.

Sleepy-Sleeper : Brandon Motherf***ing Stokely. You heard it here first. Put that dude in your flex and enjoy 57 yards and a score.

The Broncos Are Taking This Win For Elway, Brother!

Bengals @ Ravens - a good old interdivisional scrum between the young upstarts of Cincinnati and the bad-ass mofos of Baltimore

Bengal Starts: AJ Green and.....AJ Green. Screw 'Em: Welcome to reality Andy Dalton, this year won't be quite as charming...and I wouldn't start Law Firm in this match-up unless I was picking your roster.

Ravens Starts: Rice, Boldin and Flacco. And the Defense, but you were doing that anyway. Screw 'Em: Torrey Smith - tons of talent, still doesn't feel polished or consistent, and the Bengals D can work with that...thus the advantage goes to the cagey vet Boldin, if I'm choosing a starter there.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Jermaine Gresham - still underutilized and a little banged up, but if Cincinnati wants to hang in this one, Jermaine's going to have to use that athletic prowess and be a difference maker. I'd love him this week in a flex over most WR options, and quite a few RBs (see: Benjarvus Green-Ellis).

That Said, The Ravens Are Going To Pound The Bengals By a Baker's Dozen

Chargers @ Raiders - Who ya got? This one's gonna be ugly and terrific.

When I hear 'Raiders Football', I think 'Family'
San Diego Starts: Phil Rivers, Gates and....man, that's it? No wait! Malcom Floyd at WR2 Screw 'Em - Probably that running game, and I wouldn't spin the dial on the other receivers until somebody emerges

Raider Starts: DMac, Heyward-Bey, Denarius....and I doubt I'll say this again this season, but, Carson Palmer. Screw 'Em: I don't recognize the name of any of the Raider TEs. So I'm guessing those are extra blockers.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Rod Streater - Jacoby Ford is out, Streater has been a marvel in the preseason, and is going to be the difference maker for Carson Palmer in week one....I'd take a pitch at WR3 on him and hope it lands.

That's all for now, kids, thanks for the fish! GO FOOTBALL!


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