IT'S A TRAP! Edition
One week back with the normal officiating crews and already we have world peace and an end to pestilence! No? Well at least we eliminated the questionable calls, like didn't happen in the Saints-Packers game. Hey Triplette, thanks for showing why they're pushing for a practice squad for the refs. Dink.
Looking ahead to this week, looks like a lot of mismatches, which I love for the fact that half of these games aren't going to follow the rules of physics, social order, or even the Brown-Little Handbook. Look at the lineup - including the Thursday game, even! Outside of Eagles/Steelers, every one of these seems like a terrific option for your Elimination Pool that guy in Shipping runs. I say to thee: proceed with much foreboding in your heart, young wagerer.
It's way too early for me to be upsies, and thank Gansesha for bye weeks to maintain my sanity - let's get to it!
Thursday Recap: Rams beat Cards - Let it be said: the Rams are going to cause problems for a lot of teams this years, it was just a matter of when they put it together, which was apparently 'this week'. Let it also be said that: Arizona really needs a 'running game', or more precisely a 'running back' with Brokie Wells, Larod Stephens-Figurine AND Ryan 'Ouchies' Williams all in various states of disrepair. That's what's gonna keep you guys out of contention kids....and with Ryan Grant finally off the market and everything! Paging Steve Slaton....you're not dead yet.
Dolphins @ Bengals - Bengals are 3 and 1, 'Fins are rolling in with an inverse equation....but the Dophins have moxy, kid! And also, a pretty decent running game, which the Bengals are not of the 'real good' against. Conversely, The Miami Oceanapes are goddang devastating against the run - perhaps because, based solely on the stats I'm looking at, they are playing with an eight-man defensive line and no secondary - 1st against the run and 30th against the pass?
Fins' Start: Reggie Bush, obviously...Daniel Thomas maybe, if you're in bye-week sitch, and maybe, just maybe, if you're in like, a 14 team Dynasty league and effing James Starks laid an egg for two years and Jahvid Best's head is stupid-fragile, and Ryan Williams sucks and you picked up goddamned Ryan Grant just to have a freaking warm body up there, I might use Javorskie Lane in a flex. No yards, but has two weeks of goal-line rumbles. Not that I know anybody in the aforementioned situation. Fins' Screw: Brian Hartline. I know, you used your top waiver position to get your shiny toy; now people know. More importantly, in a game where they can run, Miami needs to throw at him roughly 63 less times a game. Expect a let-down for this week...flex at best.
Bengals Start: You know the obvious one, now here's this: Andy Dalton is a must-start this week above a whole lot of guys - except for Rodge, Tom-Tom, Mattefffing Ryan and oddly enough 'Joe Flacco', he's the guy that should be in your captain's chait - and so is Andrew Hawkins at WR3 - hell, WR2 if you need him. And if you're in a bye-week for your TE, Gresham's a good fill-in. Bengal Screw: Benjarvus. He's not 'I'm gonna beat the best running defense' caliber. Sorry.
That 30th-ranked pass D is going to sink lower - Bengals Take It
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| A brief Google Image Search for 'Butt Nug' teaches us that Bruce Arians is apparently a dirty hippie. Knowledge is Power! |
Packers @ Colts - Was a little nervous here about the Packers looking past this to the Texans, especially after the bizarro last two weeks, but then interim Colts Chief-of-Staff Bruce Arians couldn't shut the f**k up. Did you realize you were talking out loud when you deemed Clay Matthews wasn't even worth whatever the hell a 'butt nug' is?
Packer Starts: I can't justifiably sit any of the key guys on this team - and that's probably the homer in me. Fantasy-wise, Jordy Nelson has been a bust, but it's only a matter of time - and James Jones, now thrust in a starting role, has responded, I like him in a WR2 role...Ced's a push, still, but I've been putting him in the RB2 slot the last couple weeks and the results are decent. Decent. .Packers Screw: I just don't trust Jermichael, and probably never will again - he's a risk/reward player in a position that should be stable on your team.
Colts Starts: It's still Reggie Wayne in a WR2 or 3 slot, and that's it. Colts Screw: There isn't anybody else consistently involved enough to be thinking about - Fleener, Avery, Hilton - average guys (right now) on a very average team.
Packers Trounce the Colts; Andrew Luck May Develop A Nervous Tick
Ravens @ Chiefs - Romeo Crennell makes Todd Haley look like an NFL head coach. Your head just exploded.
Ravens Start:All in. I SAID 'ALL IN'. Ravens Screw: Except for Boldin, who's mostly become very 'eh' since coming to Baltimore, despite their haplessness, the Chiefs D isn't the problem. And the D is in trouble....
Chief Start: Jamaal Charles, Bowe. Simple. Chief Screw:Though the Ravens blow against the pass like they're trying to earn money for nursing school without asking their a-hole parents, there's no reason to consider Jon Baldwin, or any of those other Chief 'aerial threats'.
Ravens Put Romeo on the Top of the 'Hot Seat' Rankings
Eagles @ Steelers - So you're telling me that the Eagles are 3-1, while the Steelers are 1-2? That doesn't sound right, not at all. Why must you build a castle of lies? Two equally above-par defenses sqauring off in a game that could conceivably end with a total score under two digits. But it won't.
Eagle Starts: Is Maclin playing again? Yes? No? Honestly, I don't like any of the Eagles (save for LeSean) this week. Definite Eagle Screw: Vick. One more horrifying performance, and maybe it is time to give Foles a shot.
Steeler Starts: I know what I said up there about a defensive battle, but don't listen to that guy, he's all loaded up on Tato Skins. I'm in on Wallace, Brown and Benny-bobo this week....they've got that 'fresh off the bye and ready to take this crazy world by storm' feel about them, that would have made a terrific situational comedy premise in 1977. Steeler Screw: This really isn't the optimal cooking temperature for Mendy to get himself back out on that field....
The Pittsburgh Steelers Are Going to Make the Eagles Look Like the Pittsburgh Pirates (They're still bad, right? I haven't watched baseball in twenty years, is Willie Stargell still there?)
Eagles @ Steelers - So you're telling me that the Eagles are 3-1, while the Steelers are 1-2? That doesn't sound right, not at all. Why must you build a castle of lies? Two equally above-par defenses sqauring off in a game that could conceivably end with a total score under two digits. But it won't.
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| With skins that are real! |
Eagle Starts: Is Maclin playing again? Yes? No? Honestly, I don't like any of the Eagles (save for LeSean) this week. Definite Eagle Screw: Vick. One more horrifying performance, and maybe it is time to give Foles a shot.
Steeler Starts: I know what I said up there about a defensive battle, but don't listen to that guy, he's all loaded up on Tato Skins. I'm in on Wallace, Brown and Benny-bobo this week....they've got that 'fresh off the bye and ready to take this crazy world by storm' feel about them, that would have made a terrific situational comedy premise in 1977. Steeler Screw: This really isn't the optimal cooking temperature for Mendy to get himself back out on that field....
The Pittsburgh Steelers Are Going to Make the Eagles Look Like the Pittsburgh Pirates (They're still bad, right? I haven't watched baseball in twenty years, is Willie Stargell still there?)
Browns @ Giants - Hey, you know who else is sporting a 'reputation only' defense this year? The Giants. Oh, and their whole receiving crew is receiving worker's comp. Yeah, I know, 'it's the Browns' - but this year Cleveland's Egg-and-Four is different, they're figuring things out and scrapping.
Giant Starts: Eli Manning, who gets his regardless of his options, and Cruz, but nobody surprising. Giant Screw: Andre Brown is a better fit on this team, and more productive, but still sits behind perennial fantasy disappointment Ahmad Bradshaw....avoid these RBs at all costs if you can, until Coughlin changes his mind and will, which happens with about the same regularity as the appearnace of a Great Comet.
Browns Starts: Trent Richardson is absolutely a lock going forward. The yards will come, in the meantime he's their points and should be their focus. And I'm going with Greg Little in a WR3 or Flex this week. Browns Screw: I don't know any other Browns. I mean, besides the 57 year old quarterback.
REGARDLESS! Trap Week Victim Number One: The Giants, Who Won't Understand How The Browns Did It. Nor Will Any of the Rest of Us.
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| 'Could I interest you in a term-life pol---oh, I'm sorry for calling you during din---sir, you don't even know my moth---I've got a---hello? Hello?' |
Falcon Starts: Regrettably, I have to recommend Matt Ryan again this week, and now my fingers feel unclean. Receivers are locked-in, the Redskins are somehow worse than only one other team at stopping the pass game, which will probably factor in to this particular match-up. Oh, and that means Gonzo, too. Falcon Screw: Mike Turner - hey, thanks for the effort last week, but these guys are pretty good against you ground guys, plus we aren't going to call any runs anyway.
Skins Start: RG3 is a weekly go, I shouldn't need to mention that anymore, same for Al Morris who's in the Top Five. Didn't realize that, did you? And I play Garcon if he's in the game no matter what, but he's 'my guy'. Skins Sit: Fred Davis. Hate that match-up.
Nonetheless, Falcons Overlook This One Until Too Late, The Skins Sneak Out With a Unconventional Win, Whilst Atlanta Gets a Reminder of What Vick Was Supposed to Be. TRAP!
Seahawks @ Panthers - Here's another thing I didn't realize, but I guess it makes sense: Marshawn Lynch is the leading rusher in the NFL. Thank god for Roger Goodell's lenient stance towards OWIs, right, kids? Meanwhile, Carolina's combined $77.5 million dollars in extensions for DeAngelo and Stewart have rewarded their faithful with the 22nd most lethal attack in the league, and that's with Cam, since DeAng and Stew are 28th and 48th respectively. Better illustrated: DW is one spot above Ryan Williams and one BELOW Cam. J-Stew has locked in one slot ahead of Mark Ingram, and one below PEYTON FREAKING HILLIS. It's break-out-the-moonshine time, Carolina!
Seahawks Starts: All that said, Lynch is the only Seahawk I'd consider, the rest of that team has the shakiness of a meth addict on day 3 of rehab. Seahawks Screw: Now that we're playing actual games that count and whatnot, Russell Wilson doesn't look all that 'good', for lack of a better term. Matt Flynn will eventually start here, and the sooner the better to establish some pecking order in the current soup-kitchen-spicy receiving pile. And that's the right term, 'pile', because it's not a 'corps'. Somebody give Sidney Rice some help out there, for the love of Pete.
Panther Starts: It's hard to sit Steve Smith - SO DON'T. Panthers aren't all that slick against the pass, it's a great week for Double S....and Brandon LaFell in a WR3/Flex spot ain't the worst call. Panther Screw: Greg Olsen, because Greg Olsen. And those RBs....yuck.
TRAP THREE! Panthers Stick One To the Seahawks, and Cam Newton Jersey Sales Spike In WI.
Bears @ Jags - Sorry this year again, J-ville, but your unbeloved Jaguars are bad again. 'Bad' bad. This is not a trap game, this is a mercy kill. Move that franchise to Los Angeles already, Kahn. The Bears don't win this as much as they accept the terms of the surrender.
Bears Starts: Cutty! And Marshall! And Forte! And The D! And That's It! Bear Screws: Outside of Michael Bush, you can't possibly have another Bear on your roster, can you? I'd sit Bush, as this is the one week this year Cutler will get to put on an air show like a big kid quarterback!
Jag Starts: MJD Jag Offs: The rest.
Bears By 20, Easy. We May Even Get a Jason Campbell Appearance.
Titans @ Vikings - Chris Johnson IS BACK! All the way up to 25th in yards behind Shonn Greene! YAY! You're almost up to 'below-average'! Titans have a better shot at this game with the cagey Hasselbeck at the helm this week, but let's be honest, the Titans' season is already over...the Vikings are legitimately making it hard to catch in the NFC North.
Titans Starts: Pass. No, wait! Jared Cook. I like Jared Cook a LOT this week. Titan Sits: Use your mind, leave CJ1WK there on the bench where you put him, next to Britt and Washington.
Vike Starts: If it's you're bye week, Ponder's your dude, and then the other two usual suspects. Vike Sits: I know I'm all hyped up on Jerome Simpson, but I suppose it's best to wait until he works into things....so please sit him, so he can blow up in the three leagues I'm playing him in a flex because Kenny Britt is 'of the awfulness'.
Vikings Roll To 4-1 and Remain Tied for the Division Lead With Chicago.
Seahawks Starts: All that said, Lynch is the only Seahawk I'd consider, the rest of that team has the shakiness of a meth addict on day 3 of rehab. Seahawks Screw: Now that we're playing actual games that count and whatnot, Russell Wilson doesn't look all that 'good', for lack of a better term. Matt Flynn will eventually start here, and the sooner the better to establish some pecking order in the current soup-kitchen-spicy receiving pile. And that's the right term, 'pile', because it's not a 'corps'. Somebody give Sidney Rice some help out there, for the love of Pete.
Panther Starts: It's hard to sit Steve Smith - SO DON'T. Panthers aren't all that slick against the pass, it's a great week for Double S....and Brandon LaFell in a WR3/Flex spot ain't the worst call. Panther Screw: Greg Olsen, because Greg Olsen. And those RBs....yuck.
TRAP THREE! Panthers Stick One To the Seahawks, and Cam Newton Jersey Sales Spike In WI.
Bears Starts: Cutty! And Marshall! And Forte! And The D! And That's It! Bear Screws: Outside of Michael Bush, you can't possibly have another Bear on your roster, can you? I'd sit Bush, as this is the one week this year Cutler will get to put on an air show like a big kid quarterback!
Jag Starts: MJD Jag Offs: The rest.
Bears By 20, Easy. We May Even Get a Jason Campbell Appearance.
Titans @ Vikings - Chris Johnson IS BACK! All the way up to 25th in yards behind Shonn Greene! YAY! You're almost up to 'below-average'! Titans have a better shot at this game with the cagey Hasselbeck at the helm this week, but let's be honest, the Titans' season is already over...the Vikings are legitimately making it hard to catch in the NFC North.
Titans Starts: Pass. No, wait! Jared Cook. I like Jared Cook a LOT this week. Titan Sits: Use your mind, leave CJ1WK there on the bench where you put him, next to Britt and Washington.
Vike Starts: If it's you're bye week, Ponder's your dude, and then the other two usual suspects. Vike Sits: I know I'm all hyped up on Jerome Simpson, but I suppose it's best to wait until he works into things....so please sit him, so he can blow up in the three leagues I'm playing him in a flex because Kenny Britt is 'of the awfulness'.
Vikings Roll To 4-1 and Remain Tied for the Division Lead With Chicago.
Broncos @ Patriots - THE RIVALRY IS RENEWED! Or maybe 'not so much'. Remember a couple of weeks ago how mesmerizing it was that the Pats and Packers defenses turned things around so much? That didn't really last so long up near Boston.
Bronco Starts: Great week for Peyton, as unpredictable as he has been...and that bodes well for Demaryius and Decker in starting slots. In a pinch, I'd use Dreesen as a TE, but temper those expectations. Broncos Screw: Gonna be a bad week for Willis McGahee, which has been surprisingly rare thus far in the season.
Pat Starts: There's only two, can you guess which ones? Three if Hernandez suits up, but that's not happening. Pat Downs: Also a crudlicious week to count on Stevan Ridley to carry your fantasy team. And again, AVOID THE LLOYD.
TRAP 4 - Peyton Triumphant as He Rolls The Pats Like A Hobo Looking For Night Train Nickels.
Bronco Starts: Great week for Peyton, as unpredictable as he has been...and that bodes well for Demaryius and Decker in starting slots. In a pinch, I'd use Dreesen as a TE, but temper those expectations. Broncos Screw: Gonna be a bad week for Willis McGahee, which has been surprisingly rare thus far in the season.
Pat Starts: There's only two, can you guess which ones? Three if Hernandez suits up, but that's not happening. Pat Downs: Also a crudlicious week to count on Stevan Ridley to carry your fantasy team. And again, AVOID THE LLOYD.
TRAP 4 - Peyton Triumphant as He Rolls The Pats Like A Hobo Looking For Night Train Nickels.
Bills @ 49ers - Remember how the Vikings just walked all over the Mighty 49ers last week? That's why it's a horrifying week to be a Buffalo Bill. This is going to be 'sneak out of the room without waking anybody - LEAVE YOUR SHOES IF YOU HAVE TO' ugly.
Bills Starts: I would avoid any and all Bills this week, unless you're stuck and have to put Jackson or Spiller in, in which case, we wish you all the best. Bill Screws: The whole team. It's not their fault, they just pulled the 'Ripsaw' card out of the deck, luck of the draw. Especially not Fitz, who reacts to high-pressure games by going color blind.
Niner Starts: Vernon, Frank....Crabtree in a flex, maybe? THE DEFENSE Niner Screws: None of the other receivers really are sticking out....even the Crabtree pick is sort of a goodwill gesture.
49ers by Two Defensive Touchdowns and Then Some
Chargers @ Saints - SHOOTOUT! And in the Dome, even....I like the stats potential in this showdown. Feels like it's just about time for that Chargers' meltdown we've been waiting for....
Charger Starts: Eff it, Jackie Battle. He's better than Mathews, even if he doesn't start. Phil, Malcolm and Gates. Charger Screws: Can Vincent Brown hurry up and get back already?
Saints Starts: All the people involved in the passing offense, should be a fantastic fantasy week for the the NO hands guys, and the arm as well. Saint Screw: Mark Ingram, who's blah.
TRAP 5! Saints Begin the Turnaround, and So Too Do the San Diego Chargers.
Bills Starts: I would avoid any and all Bills this week, unless you're stuck and have to put Jackson or Spiller in, in which case, we wish you all the best. Bill Screws: The whole team. It's not their fault, they just pulled the 'Ripsaw' card out of the deck, luck of the draw. Especially not Fitz, who reacts to high-pressure games by going color blind.
Niner Starts: Vernon, Frank....Crabtree in a flex, maybe? THE DEFENSE Niner Screws: None of the other receivers really are sticking out....even the Crabtree pick is sort of a goodwill gesture.
49ers by Two Defensive Touchdowns and Then Some
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| Sonny made this, and it's so terrific, it deserves to be the first pic to appear in back-to-back posts |
Chargers @ Saints - SHOOTOUT! And in the Dome, even....I like the stats potential in this showdown. Feels like it's just about time for that Chargers' meltdown we've been waiting for....
Charger Starts: Eff it, Jackie Battle. He's better than Mathews, even if he doesn't start. Phil, Malcolm and Gates. Charger Screws: Can Vincent Brown hurry up and get back already?
Saints Starts: All the people involved in the passing offense, should be a fantastic fantasy week for the the NO hands guys, and the arm as well. Saint Screw: Mark Ingram, who's blah.
TRAP 5! Saints Begin the Turnaround, and So Too Do the San Diego Chargers.
Texans @ Jets - Please.
Texans Start: Smoke'em if you got 'em! Jets Screwed.
And We Now Return To Your Normally Scheduled ESPN 'Crapball' Night In America Broadcast. The Houston Texans Will Reward Your Years of Patience By Letting You Get A Full Night's Rest.
Texans Start: Smoke'em if you got 'em! Jets Screwed.
And We Now Return To Your Normally Scheduled ESPN 'Crapball' Night In America Broadcast. The Houston Texans Will Reward Your Years of Patience By Letting You Get A Full Night's Rest.
Buttonhook on three! Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. He's nice person.
In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - they know things, things you can't imagine -
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