by Matt Prendergast,
EDITOR'S NOTE: I wrote this piece last year right when I joined ReclinerQB, and thus rushed out a 'draft plan article' basically four days before the regular season. In the interest of not rehashing the same valid points - and because I'm prepping a ton of new content for the next month, here's this piece for those who missed it the last time. (For those that are 'relevancy' obsessed, please substitute '2012' for '2011', and pretend that picture of Rodgers and Matthews is Eli Manning and Jason Pierre-Paul. I've updated a couple areas just a smidge)
Hey again kids! Apologies for the back-to-back fantasy-based pieces right off the bat, but as we are now in the throes of Draft Week , it seems the time sensitivity of this issue is pushing these to the front of the line. I promise to provide a more fair-and-balanced approach to topic distribution going forward, including a treatise I'm working up on why four current NFL franchises should be transferred in-full to the UFL for the foreseeable future. But time is of the essence!
Many of you have perhaps already participated in your big-money-league drafts this past weekend (In 2012, no you haven't, it's not even August! If you actually have, next year please just mail me your league entry fee and I will shred it for you), likely because some owners have some ridiculous 'commitments' to 'spending time with their families' over Labor Day weekend, and then further jinx up the deal by holding 'jobs' during the week. Beyond the obvious need to replace these owners with folks who can get their priorities straight, there's not going to be much here to help you out immediately - instead, file this away for next season, and begin your planning now. As my father often says 'a little pre-planning saves everyone a lot of problems'. When applied to this scenario, he clearly means 'a little pre-planning wins you your league over a lot of suckers'. My father knows what he's talking about.
Now let's assume that you play in a league with a generally solid ownership base - these folks put in their due diligence, pay enough attention to the NFL in the weeks preceeding, and by and large have historically made reasoned and sound choices - well, you, devoted fantasy player, need to get ahead of the curve and grab any advantage you can in securing the ever-critical mental edge. In the end, that's the difference in winning and losing in this world, and you, my friend, are a winner, right?
Please note: these keys to a winning draft are applicable only to live drafts - online leagues are certainly fun, but suffice to say, any money league betwixt one-time-close friends worth its salt is throwing this thing down live and in person. However, if you can figure out a way to apply any of these helpful hints to an online draft, by all means, send me your crazed, stream-of-consciousness ramblings on how exactly you see that happening, and I will promptly forward your manifesto to the most appropriate social services provider.
1) Control The Location First things first, never, and I do mean NEVER, let your draft go down at a league member's home. There's just way too many uncontrollable elements in that setting that can really sour up a solid draft, even if it's held in your own trailer. Be it children running hither-nither, a distracting buffet with an inordinate amount of delicious deviled eggs, the host's wife who keeps glaring at you as she passes through the room on account of what you did to the garden shed at the summer get-together in '08, or your own wife who is also glaring at you for the same reason, there's too much that can break bad in a home environment. Yes, even if it's in the garage (who drafts in a garage anyway? That just feels dangerous).
No, you need to insist, and (this is important) coordinate the effort to secure an off-site locale for your war room. Preferably, find one with a separate room that will provide table service for your hearty group, doesn't pay close attention to local fire ordinances and has a very lax 'pants-wearing-required' policy. Now everybody is on a level plain - no homefield advantage . Except for you; the hero that put this all together, because you care about the league and were concerned that Don could have his nachos AND Deirdre could have a Cobb salad. And if you work it right, that will be remembered by at least one person who will agree to a draft-day deal slanted heavily in your favor that they will spend an entire year regretting.
2) Make Your Entrance Count If professional wrestling has taught us one important lesson as a society, it's that overindulgence of muscle enhancers combined with a grueling work schedule usually leads to early death. As we are not speaking about dynasty leagues, that doesn't really apply here. However, if professional wrestling has taught us TWO important lessons as a society, the second one is: an awesome entrance is a game-changer.
Now the parameters of your entrance are going to be somewhat dictated by your location - Buffalo Wild Wings for instance has a very strict and unreasonably restricting policy regarding indoor pyrotechnics; Chili's however, is a little grey in this area. Again, this is why it's critical you do the legwork on the location. The point is, you need to walk into your draft with no question in any other league member's mind that you are indeed the baddest man walking the planet, in that nearly-empty room, at that moment.
Get creative! If fireworks aren't your style, then how about dry ice? It looks cool, and for added toughness, carry a couple chunks in your bare hands and wave them around frantically. (Editor's Note: DO NOT PICK UP DRY ICE WITH YOUR BARE HANDS, ARE YOU INSANE? Or if you do, please note that neither AmazingMattyP, nor ReclinerQB.com, are legally responsible for any of your ensuing medical bills, nor the fact that you apparently paid zero attention during your fifth grade science class) Or keep it old school: just enter the room with a thick stack of draft magazines, walk to your place at the table, and immediately tear the entire stack in half like your some sort of crazed man-ape brought forth from a circus in 1947. (Editor's Note: May require some form of muscle tone)
In summary, the important thing is: You'd better have an awesome theme song, and it better not be 'Don't Fear The Reaper' by Blue Oyster Cult, because that's all mine.
3) Know Your Opponents Much like you wouldn't be foolish enough to jump into the ocean having never learned to swim, so too should it be instinct that dictates you learn as much about the personal lives of every other owner in your league before walking in. Why? Because sometimes you win the battle at the line of scrimmage before the snap count is complete.
It's a tale as old as time, if 'time' is defined as 'whenever Muhammad Ali started getting popular'. While it'll never win the whole battle, the slight-of-hand tactic that is modern psychological warfare is only at it's most deadly when you've done your homework. To attempt such a technique flying blind is a fool's folly. No, you need to know dirt. And then you need to know how to properly grind it in.
An example of a horrifying sad verbal attack: 'Nice
A worse example: After the guy in front of you steals away Dwayne Bowe, you retort: 'well, at least I still get to go home to my wife, who used to be yours.' That's just poor sportsmanship.
Much better tactic: It's three picks before your arch nemesis 'Mark' is up in the fourth round (and you do have an arch nemesis named Mark somewhere, even if you are unaware of it) - he drafts right before you, and you both have an absurd crush on
4) Lead With Your Gold I think there's a lot of grey area in this confusing world, but one thing is clearly set in stone; people make questionable to horrific decisions after a couple of stiff belts. So by all means, get to your draft early and help them along. A couple pre-draft rounds of shots will cost you 20-30 bones up front, but the ROI should be more than adequate.
Sure, you're not going to lure the majority of your responsible owners in, most likely because in their past, they've experienced one year of 'only drafting Raiders because they're totally DUE!' under the direct counsel of Ron Rico -Juris Doctorate, but trust me when I say this: you're going to get two of them to run down the amber-brick road. That's two less guys that will have any idea what's going on by the middle of the third round, and that's two less dudes trying to take what's yours.
True story: implementing a variation on this strategy in 2004, I witnessed another owner attempt to draft Philadelphia wide receiving non-sensation Todd Pinkston in the 8th, 10th and 11th rounds of the same draft, when he was off the board in the 6th. We can get into the question as to why Todd Pinkston was taken in the 6th round, ever, at a later date - the impact point in this illustration is: the entire last half of that draft was about 10 percent more valuable by round that it had any right to be, all thanks to the glory of a guy that liked his relaxation by the dozen. You can make that happen; take charge of your destiny.
Note: Please do not implement this strategy when drafting with minors. That's essentially cheating, and I'm 85% certain it's also illegal (unless you're in Reno, Nevada). Also, why are you playing fantasy football with a bunch of fifteen-year-olds anyway, freak? Unless you are also fifteen, in which case, that's cool.
This is war, kid. Play all the cards you've got. I wish you luck, come home safe.
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: @amazingmattyp. Or check your local police beat.
Note: Please do not implement this strategy when drafting with minors. That's essentially cheating, and I'm 85% certain it's also illegal (unless you're in Reno, Nevada). Also, why are you playing fantasy football with a bunch of fifteen-year-olds anyway, freak? Unless you are also fifteen, in which case, that's cool.
This is war, kid. Play all the cards you've got. I wish you luck, come home safe.
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: @amazingmattyp. Or check your local police beat.
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